I’ve been meaning to delve deeper into anger for a while, but hadn’t got around to it. After doing my Halloween series of mental health articles for October, it now seemed like a good time. So I hope you find it insightful.
What It Means To Feel Anger?
I’ve explained what anger is in my previous article, ’24 Amazing Ways To Manage Your Anger’, which you can find here. So I’m going to go deeper this time. Anger is one of our basic emotions, like anxiety and happiness (Psychology Today, 2026). But that often undersells it as being a simple emotion to understand, when it’s not.
Anger is often a secondary emotion, meaning it masks a deeper feeling or unmet need. Because of this, we may not understand where this powerful emotion is coming from, and that can matter when we want to manage or address the cause of it.
Because anger often comes as a secondary feeling rather than the primary one, it can result from many different reasons, some of which may be buried deep or forgotten. For this reason, anger is said to come from internal and external sources (American Psychological Association, 2022; and Park Slope Therapy, n.d.).
For example, it could be caused by a different situation we’re experiencing (Mind, n.d.), or physical pain (Berkowitz and Harmon-Jones, 2004), such as what someone might experience with a chronic health condition like Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder or Ehlers–Danlos syndromes.
One of the leading understandings of what causes anger comes from the cognitive approach. This approach theorises that it comes from how we appraise a situation, as they believe that we all constantly evaluate and appraise the situations we find ourselves in (Harmon-Jones and Harmon-Jones, 2023).
This means it’s not the situation itself that causes anger, but our interpretation of the situation.
This is something that Mind (n.d.) also discusses on their website, adding that one person could interpret a situation in a way that causes them to feel anger, while someone else experiencing the same situation along with that person may feel sad instead.
This is one of the reasons that the five stages of grief are a myth, as we can all respond in different ways to loss.
How To Find The Source Of Our Anger
Track our anger
The most effective way to identify the source and triggers of our anger is by turning it into a journaling exercise or log. This helps us to move from an automatic reaction to a mindful observation.
Thus, when we feel angry, note down the situation/trigger. Write about what was happening right before we felt that way, who did what and said what, and how we might have been feeling that day in general.
Then note down our thoughts, because what was running through our heads before and during our time feeling angry can be really telling.
After that, explore if it was just anger we were feeling. Were we feeling something else? Were we frustrated? Were we scared, hurt, disappointed, or embarrassed? Maybe we felt powerless at the time.
Next, note down the physical sensations. By that I mean how our bodies reacted. Did we clench our jaw, did our heart start racing, or maybe we felt hot? Then note down how we reacted in the moment, such as if we shouted, left the situation, or said something we regret.
With all that done, we can now record what happened after our reaction to the situation. Did it escalate the issue, did it lead to us feeling guilty, or did we get into trouble? That kind of thing.
Boundaries
Anger is often a signal that a boundary has been violated. Therefore, it can be useful to reflect on the boundaries we have, whether we need new ones, how to maintain the boundaries we have, and how we can inform others of our boundaries.
Unmet needs
Are we consistently tired, hungry (just like the Snickers advert), stressed, or feeling unappreciated? If so, these situations can lower our tolerance for frustration, making us more prone to anger.
If we can work out the cause, then we can take steps to manage this, such as working through a sleep hygiene workbook, keeping a meal planner or meal schedule, etc.
When we’re feeling sleep-deprived, it can make it harder for us to manage and control our angry impulses (Psychology Today, 2026). Thus, working on our sleep quality can be an important step in better managing our anger.
When we’re feeling stressed due to one or many things taking a heavy toll on us, we can find that it shows itself in anger slipping out when normally it wouldn’t. Thus, we may become snappy even during completely unrelated situations (Mind, n.d.).
For someone with sensory needs, such as some with autism or ADHD (Quek, 2024), if these are unmet, the feelings of being overwhelmed may lead to feeling out of control. We may have also learnt that anger is an easy coping strategy to reestablish their boundaries. If that’s the case, maybe reviewing boundaries and coping strategies could be of use to help manage this emotion better.
Frustration
A lot of us may have more of an understanding of how frustration can cause anger than many of the other situations that can cause anger. Even something extremely trivial can cause it to seep out of us if it becomes frustrating enough.
Trying to thread a needle and being unable to for several minutes may see that frustration turn to a short burst of anger. Just like being able to get past a stage, complete a mission, or beat a boss in a video game can also see that happen. Something I’ve experienced a few times, especially when I was a kid.
The same can be true when we run into obstacles that make achieving our goals or meeting our needs more difficult, or outright stop us completely (Park Slope Therapy, n.d.). Finding ourselves with unmet expectations, especially in situations we have no or little control over, can be a huge source of frustration, and thus can lead to anger.
Therefore, knowing how to better manage our frustration can help us avoid those angry spells.
Perceived injustice
Do we feel unfairly treated, disrespected, or ignored (HeadsUpGuys, 2024)? This is a very common trigger for anger. If we can identify why we feel this way, then we can take healthy steps to resolve it or avoid it happening again. One way to do that is to work on our boundaries.
Bereavement
As mentioned, feelings of loss, which include bereavement, can lead to anger for some people, but not all. Often it’s the result of not knowing what to do with the conflicting things we may be feeling (Mind, n.d.).
When I lost my nana, I was very upset seeing her dying, but at the funeral, I wasn’t sad at all. And that played on my mind a lot. I thought something was wrong with me for not being upset that she’d died, because that felt like the expected response. I now know differently.
The number of times this has come up with my clients who are experiencing the same thing as part of their grief is kind of reassuring in a way, but also disappointing that this expectation hasn’t changed.
Trauma
Our past experiences often stay with us longer than we want or realise (Mind, n.d.). Unresolved issues can sometimes mean a current trigger is a reminder of a similar, painful experience from our past, leading to an over-the-top reaction.
We may be reacting to an old hurt, not just the present situation. This can be common with those who have experienced trauma and abuse.
The problem with past trauma, even if it’s neglect, it can leave the brain in a state of hypervigilance. This means our nervous system is constantly on high alert for threats.
Thus, a careless comment can go from being a molehill to a mountain, because our hypervigilant brain has interpreted it as a serious threat when we’re no longer in the situation that caused our trauma. Therefore, our fight response might be triggered as our brains think it needs to protect us.
Taking the time to process and come to terms with our past trauma can be an important step to managing our anger in the present.
Upbringing and learned behaviour
One of the most important factors in how we handle our anger comes from the environment we grew up in. These are the years when we build our model of how we behave as we grow up, either directly from what we’re told, or indirectly through the behaviours of others and the consequences that come with it (Park Slope Therapy, n.d.), or lack thereof.
Often it comes down to how our family handled anger when we were growing up. This can lead to modelling, where we copy what we saw as a child, so if a parent shouted a lot, we may think that’s an ok way to display anger in all situations (Mind, n.d.).
We can also be told by our parents that we should act a certain way, including that it’s good to use aggression to get our way (HeadsUpGuys, 2024).
At the same time, it can also lead to suppression of anger instead, which can lead to it festering and coming out as things like a negative mindset and passive-aggression.
To be fair, there may be some situations where that might be true, but in the vast majority of them, it’s not.
This could be the result of watching our family and peers using aggression to their advantage or being taught that this is the way we should behave, such as is common in modern unhealthy interpretations in how “men” should behave.
Expectations of what it means to ‘be a man’ can put pressure on us to look and act in certain ways, even if we don’t necessarily want to be that kind of person (HeadsUpGuys, 2024a). But we don’t have to live by others’ expectations.
The whole “Man up” culture is just so toxic. I still struggle with fully distancing myself from the concept of what it is to be a man, even though I hate that concept to my core.
Interpretations
Because anger comes largely from how we interpret the situations we’re in, it can be useful to check those interpretations. Therefore, consider alternative interpretations and different perspectives.
Ask ourselves what evidence we have to support our interpretation that led to us feeling angry, and if that is objectively the right response (Psychology Today, 2026).
Masking
Anger can be a defence mechanism to mask feelings of being threatened, vulnerable, or afraid. For example, fear of failure might be masked by anger at a small mistake. Anger often feels like a safer or more powerful alternative to feeling vulnerable.
Culturally, many people are taught that sadness, fear, or shame are signs of weakness, whereas anger projects strength, control, and a demand for respect.
For example, anger can serve as a defence mechanism to avoid dealing with these feelings. So someone who might be struggling with feelings of inadequacy or has low self-esteem may lash out in a way to protect their fragile sense of self (Park Slope Therapy, n.d.).
Rigid belief systems and entitlement
Anger is often fueled by inflexible expectations about how we and the world should operate. This is tied to the cognitive theory of anger and is also connected to cognitive biases.
Have we found ourselves trapped by beliefs such as things should always be fair, people should always follow the rules, or that we should always get our way?
When reality inevitably violates these rigid rules, the emotional response is often anger. Because none of those is realistic, and the latter is a contradiction of the former belief, we’re creating an environment where being angry is basically guaranteed.
Negative thinking patterns
Are we prone to cognitive biases like “should” statements? For example, thinking that things should always go a certain way. Or do we jump to conclusions or catastrophize? Challenging these thoughts can reduce our anger. Methods like reframing and putting our thoughts on trial can work well here.
Need for control
Is our anger a result of a loss of control or the perception that we’ve lost control in some way? And I don’t mean lost control of our anger, but rather the feeling from the situation that leads to that anger.
When we feel our life is chaotic, unpredictable, or out of our hands, such as because of financial stress, a difficult job, or an uncooperative partner, anger can serve as a quick, albeit destructive, attempt to regain control.
This is sometimes referred to as the illusion of power. This is because the angry outburst can temporarily stop an argument, get someone to back down, or force a change, creating an illusion that we are powerful and in control. This temporarily relieves the deeper fear or helplessness.
Thus, anger is a powerful emotion that can temporarily replace a feeling of being out of control, whether it’s directed outwards or inwards.
However, there are times when anger can be useful to gain control in certain situations (Quek, 2024).
Like with most things in life, there’s a right tool for the job. So it’s important to be able to assess if this is such a situation before impulsively letting anger be the default response in all situations where we might feel we’ve lost control.
Is it a who?
Is our anger coming as a result of a specific person, such as an abusive parent, a bully, or an overbearing, micromanaging supervisor (American Psychological Association, 2022)?
If it is, then working out a healthy way to manage that could be the most effective step to manage our anger, even if it means cutting that person out of our lives.
It’s also useful to consider if we’ve rightly interpreted whether a person is to blame, and not just blaming someone who might have done nothing wrong (Harmon-Jones and Harmon-Jones, 2023). It can be easier to blame someone else than accept the alternative.
Getting angry
It’s important to not forget that anger can be the right response in some situations (Psychology Today, 2026). So don’t let this article make us think that anger is wrong in all situations, as anger can also be a great motivator.
So there will be times when we might look for where that anger is coming from, and realise it’s very much a justified emotion to have in that situation, and that’s ok.
Professional support
If our anger is chronic, intense, or negatively impacting our relationships, a therapist or anger management counsellor can provide a safe space to explore its roots and then help us develop healthier coping skills.
Summary
Anger is a basic emotion we all understand, but where we can struggle is with why we’re feeling anger, as often it’s not the primary emotion. By consistently identifying the primary emotion (the real source) and the unmet need, we can learn to ask for what we need directly, rather than demanding it through anger. We can also better manage our anger so we use it when it’s appropriate.
As always, leave your feedback in the comments section below. Also, please share your experiences with anger and finding its cause in the comments section below. Don’t forget, if you want to stay up-to-date with my blog, you can sign up for my newsletter below. Alternatively, click the red bell icon in the bottom right corner to get push notifications for new articles.
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References
American Psychological Association. (2022, March 3). Control anger before it controls you. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.
Berkowitz, L., & Harmon-Jones, E. (2004). Toward an understanding of the determinants of anger. Emotion, 4(2), 107. Retrieved from https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Eddie-Harmon-Jones/publication/8485281_Toward_an_Understanding_of_the_Determinants_of_Anger/links/0fcfd51179ff9c8c9f000000/Toward-an-Understanding-of-the-Determinants-of-Anger.pdf.
Harmon-Jones, E., & Harmon-Jones, C. (2023). Anger: Causes and components. In Anger, Aggression, and Interventions for Interpersonal Violence (pp. 99-118). Routledge. Retrieved from https://drive.google.com/file/d/1O3nmL1i2PHBUXN9rkfOkqDv7zOQMPd0f/view.
HeadsUpGuys. (2024, August 28). Recognizing our anger triggers and what’s behind them. HeadsUpGuys. Retrieved from https://headsupguys.org/how-to-fight-depression/courses/managing-anger-and-irritability/recognizing-and-understanding-our-anger.
HeadsUpGuys. (2024a, August 28). Other Factors that Influence Our Anger. HeadsUpGuys. Retrieved from https://headsupguys.org/how-to-fight-depression/courses/managing-anger-and-irritability/other-factors-that-influence-our-anger.
Mind. (n.d.). Anger. Mind. Retrieved from https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anger/about-anger.
Park Slope Therapy. (2026, June 12). Exploring the roots of anger: Understanding the psychology behind why we feel so angry. Park Slope Therapy. Retrieved from https://www.pstherapyny.com/blog/understanding-the-psychology-behind-why-we-feel-so-angry.
Psychology Today. (2026, May 15). Anger. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/basics/anger.
Quek, I. (2024, November 26). What is the root of anger? An Anger Management Reflection Guide. My InnerChild Clinic. Retrieved from https://www.innerchildclinic.com/post/what-is-the-root-of-anger.