I was talking to a client about their relationship green and red flags homework when they brought up the idea of yellow flags. I hadn’t thought about the grey area in between before, but now I was. Because of this, I wanted to write an article on relationship yellow flags as a companion piece for my article on relationship green and red flags. So I hope you find this interesting.
What Are Relationship Yellow Flags?
When it comes to relationships, we commonly use the terms “red flags” and “green flags” as an easy way to describe good and bad qualities and traits in potential dates and people we’re dating (Harrison, 2025).
Relationship yellow flags, on the other hand, are subtle warning signs, but aren’t automatic deal-breakers like red flags. For the most part, we know what to watch out for when it comes to relationship red flags, but yellow flags aren’t immediate issues, but they could become one later on (Fleming, 2026).
When someone respects our boundaries, that’s an automatic green flag, but if our date or partner is rude to waiting staff, then that’s an automatic red flag (Rosati, 2026). These are easy relationship flags for us to quantify.
Relationship yellow flags are areas of caution; they are subtle, can be inconsistent, and are a potential sign of friction that warrants attention, but can also be subjective. They’re the potential warning signs that fall somewhere in the middle of our green and red flags (Harrison, 2025). The grey area in any other context.
The subjective nature of relationship yellow flags often comes down to our individual differences, so what may be a concern for one person isn’t for another (Fleming, 2026). When we do see a relationship yellow flag, that can be a signal that a situation requires monitoring to see if it evolves into a healthier dynamic or degenerates into a red flag.
Relationship yellow flags include that weird feeling of uncertainty about a potential partner; some might call this the “ick” factor. This uneasy feeling may be our brains telling us something feels off (Harrison, 2025).
However, relationships, by their very nature, are complicated. Every relationship will have its ups and downs, and no relationship is ever perfect, no matter how much we might want to have a perfect relationship.
But that doesn’t mean ignoring the little voice in our head alerting us to the relationship yellow flags either. It’s often these small things that make or break a relationship; it just might take a while before it does.
Types Of Relationship Yellow Flags
Communication
Our date or partner might not explode during arguments, but they repeatedly withdraw, shut down, or freeze when emotional or difficult topics arise instead. They might also rely on texting to discuss sensitive matters, conflicts, or relationship milestones, rather than doing this in person or via voice or video chat.
Uneven self-disclosure
If someone shares deep vulnerabilities very early into the dating experience to fast-track intimacy, or conversely, keeps personal details strictly walled off long past the initial dating phase. Both of these are yellow flags.
Inconsistent availability
I think this has become a far more common dating experience, from what I’ve heard, whereby people engage in fluctuating communication (messaging), going from hyper-attentive to sudden, unexplained multi-day quiet spells without prior context (Rosati, 2026).
This could also manifest as our dates or partner cancelling plans without explanation, which is both inconsistent with their availability and a sign of a potential communication issue (Harrison, 2025).
Boundaries
Boundaries are important in every relationship we have, romantic or otherwise. For example, when someone has difficulties saying “no” to family, friends, or work, this can lead to constant last-minute plan cancellations to accommodate others.
It can also mean they’re at a much higher risk of burnout and growing resentful of the people that end up taking advantage of this kind of people-pleasing behaviour.
Independence
If our date or partner doesn’t have any hobbies, interests, or friendships outside the relationship they have with us, or they expect us to be with them all the time, then that is a relationship yellow flag (Rosati, 2026).
Putting others first
This isn’t too dissimilar to not being able to say “no”, but I feel it can be different enough to value its own section. If our date or partner cancels plans to hang out with a friend, that could indicate the value they place on us (Nelson, 2024).
For example, I once asked someone if we could have our first date on Saturday rather than Friday, so I could go out and get drunk with my friends. We didn’t end up having a first date.
At the time, I didn’t get it, but now I do. I was also full of yellow flags back then, but I also knew that; I just didn’t see them as yellow flags. I avoided dating for a decade because of my issues, because I wanted to avoid hurting others.
Past history
If someone frames all their past relationship failures as being entirely on the other person, then that’s a yellow flag. This is made worse if they show little self-reflection or accountability for their role in previous relationships.
Another potential relationship yellow flag that fits this category is if our date or partner maintains ongoing, but vague and/or emotionally intense contact with a former partner without clear, healthy boundaries established.
There is no inherent reason to dismiss someone if they maintain a relationship with a previous partner, especially as that’s sometimes unavoidable when kids are involved. But there has to be clear boundaries, and a civil discourse is ideal.
Personal growth
Life should be based on continuous growth. If we find we’re with someone who’s stagnant and expressing frustration with personal, financial, or career circumstances but is actively resisting taking steps or seeking support to address them, then this is a yellow flag.
Behaviour around others
When we’ve started dating someone new, it’s a lot easier to be polite to the other person, in that context. But they may not be able to hide it when it comes to other people. Thus, they may show subtle impatience, condescension, or rudeness toward service staff, lower-tier colleagues, or family members.
There’s also the habit of seeking constant external validation from others, which might cross into ambiguous and flirtatious territory. As someone who was a chronic people-pleaser and sought external validation, I can vouch for this personally.
My borderline personality disorder also pushed this to the extreme, turning into promiscuity. This stopped when I met my current partner, as it was the first time I ever trusted someone. I had also overcome my people-pleasing and need for external validation.
Joking, rather than being playful healthily
Making disparaging jokes, teasing, sarcasm, or “just joking” rationalisations that subtly belittle our passions, career, or opinions can be a yellow flag. As can self-deprecating jokes, as all this can be linked to internal issues, like a lack of confidence and self-esteem, but not always.
Lying
If someone lies about very insignificant things that it was not necessary to lie about, then this is something to be concerned about. The ‘why’ is important to this being a yellow flag.
Little interest in us
If we’re dating or in a relationship with someone who isn’t interested in our hobbies, interests, and other passions (Rosati, 2026), then that is a yellow flag.
That doesn’t mean they have to be fully interested, but rather that they have no issue that we like these things, allow us to make time for these things, and will talk to us about these things. In short, being supportive of our interests.
Unresolved baggage
We all carry baggage. Every experience we have will add to that baggage, because it’s natural that our life experiences shape who we are. However, when that baggage starts impacting our current relationship, it becomes a yellow flag (Leite, 2024).
They don’t like criticism
I don’t think anyone likes criticism, but how we handle it is an important indicator. Constructive criticism, or rather, constructive feedback, is a normal part of a healthy relationship. If our date or partner reacts defensively or is upset when faced with any form of criticism, it could be a yellow flag (Leite, 2024).
Relationship Yellow Flags Vs. Red Flags
Relationship yellow flags can manifest in various ways, such as inconsistent communication, frequent arguments over minor issues, or a lack of trust. More often than not, they’re indicative of underlying conflicts, unresolved emotional baggage, or mismatched expectations within the relationship (Harrison, 2025). But they can also cross into red flag territory.
Testing boundaries
If our date or partner mildly pushes on small boundaries, like trying to convince us to stay out a little longer out of enthusiasm, but stopping when we hold our ground. That could be a yellow flag. Trying this once on a night out might even be a green flag situation.
However, if they’re pushing back on small preferences but won’t take a no for an answer, even if they try to pass this off as playful, that’s crossing into red flag territory. Especially if they keep trying to violate our boundaries like this.
Withdrawing in conflict
There could be many reasons why someone freezes up or needs space in situations where conflict seems likely. For example, they could lack healthy conflict resolution skills. But it’s important that they’re able to come back to talk about this later so it can be resolved.
It becomes a red flag if they use the silent treatment as a form of punishment, as this is a form of abuse to get control over us. This is a clear red flag, and so is refusing accountability entirely.
All exes were crazy
If someone blames their past partners for breakups due to a lack of emotional maturity or self-awareness. It could be a yellow flag. This kind of trash-talking about our former partners is certainly something to stop and think about (Nelson, 2024). After all, not everyone will have good luck in love.
But that’s different to using the “crazy ex” label to gaslight us, to hide their own past abuse, or to systematically smear their former partners. Especially if they don’t reflect on their role in those relationships.
Over-reliance on text
A lot of people have got into the unhealthy habit of avoiding hard conversations in person due to anxiety or conflict avoidance. This is something I struggle with as well, which is ironic as a therapist. I just don’t want to see the other person upset. This is a yellow flag and can be overcome.
There’s research that suggests that men are better at talking in person if they’re facing side to side (Nelson, 2014; Seager, 2021; and Johnson et al., 2022), rather than facing each other, and that has helped me.
However, it’s different when someone hides behind messaging completely and may even use messaging to make threats, break commitments, or manipulate us without facing our immediate reaction.
Rushing intimacy
It can be hard to know what the right time is to discuss heavy personal trauma, because we may want to know if they can handle us before getting overly invested in a relationship so we can avoid heartbreak. But this can also be an indication of a lack of boundaries, making it a yellow flag.
Then there’s love-bombing. Being overwhelmed with intense affection, grand promises, and pressure to commit is often seen as a way to gain control over someone.
Stagnate growth
There can be many reasons why someone becomes stagnant when it comes to growth. I avoided paid work, choosing volunteer work instead, because I was scared of going back into paid employment. I very much had return-to-work anxiety, even though I was happily working for free as a volunteer. But I did take that leap in the end.
So for me, this was a yellow flag I had because I was willing to work on myself to change my situation. However, if someone refuses to do the things that would help them, and instead is content with dwelling where they are, that will eventually break a relationship, thus crossing into red flag territory.
Criticism
Even if our dates or partner don’t like any form of criticism or constructive feedback, but they’re able to engage with it and work on themselves, then that’s a yellow flag, and maybe even a green flag given how many of us struggle with criticism in this way.
But if they shut down, become defensive, and aren’t open to discussing it, then that’s a red flag. This is even more of a red flag if they frequently give criticism on top of this.
The lying game
There could be many reasons why someone lies. We all tell little while lies to avoid hurting people and as social lubricant, but that’s different to lying for no obvious reason. One reason could be having poor self-esteem, for example, or worse, to deliberately trick us. The latter falls squarely in the red flag category.
Shout out to the Lair Game anime.
Selfhood
Having our own sense of individual identity away from our partner, an expression of selfhood, is a green flag. Someone who may not have that isn’t automatically a red flag; it all depends on whether they’re open to growing that side of themselves (yellow flag) or not.
Someone whose whole life revolves around us and doesn’t seem interested in that dynamic changing is a red flag. We all need our own hobbies, interests, personal space, personal time, and a social support network for a healthy relationship to exist.
Availability
When it comes to availability, it’s best to be open about what kind of texter and communicator we are, and what factors might affect our availability. I have friends who are really bad at messaging back, which could be a red flag, but I know what they’re like.
When dating, this lack of consistency often comes down to whether they’ve explained this beforehand (yellow flag), or don’t address it at all until we bring it up (pretty much a red flag).
Why Relationship Yellow Flags Feel Like Red Flags
Like with many things in life, what makes something a yellow flag or a red flag is context-dependent. For example, a single instance of someone withdrawing during an argument might just be fatigue (a yellow flag). However, doing it every single time we express a personal need is emotional withholding (a red flag).
Then there’s how someone reacts to being called out on their behaviour. If there’s genuine blindness to what they were doing being unhealthy, then that’s a yellow flag; committing to changing would be getting towards a green flag. But if they play the victim instead, or dismiss or downplay our concerns, then that’s a red flag.
It’s also worth considering the cumulative impact of a person’s yellow flags. How many does it take to turn that collection of yellow flags into a red one? A box full of yellow flags is going to create an exhausting relationship, and maybe even create an unsafe one.
How To Handle Relationship Yellow Flags
Reflect on our past experiences
It can be useful to examine the baggage we may be carrying by reflecting on our past relationships. Did one of our previous relationships cause us to behave differently? Did it make it harder for us to trust? Do we have any recurring patterns or behaviours that were a concern at the time, and do we still have them?
By identifying these patterns, not only can we work on ourselves so we’re better in our next relationship, but it can also teach us to recognise similar warning signs in other people (Harrison, 2025).
Observe for patterns
It can be useful to learn how to distinguish between a single off-day (an anomaly) and repeated behaviour (a pattern). We all have off days, but that doesn’t mean it’s an indicator of a wider problem. If we do see a bit of a trend, then bring this up early to have a conversation about it.
When we do this, a healthy response involves openness, accountability, and a willingness to adjust. A defensive, dismissive, or gaslighting response turns a yellow flag into a clear red flag.
Open and honest communication
Open and honest communication is the backbone of any healthy relationship, because without the ability to give and receive feedback without taking it personally (Leite, 2024), how can things within a relationship improve?
It can also be useful to reflect on the state of the communication within our relationships (Harrison, 2025). It’s easy for misunderstandings to develop because two people aren’t on the same page or are coming from different points of view.
It’s a frequent issue that develops in relationships, but one that can be easily overcome. For example, if two people have different love languages, both people can feel they’re not getting the love they expect because of this difference. But sitting down and talking about this issue can lead to that understanding developing.
If one of us has ineffective communication, how can we work on that together? If one of us is defensive, how can we work on that so we’re not, and it doesn’t escalate into a red flag? More often than not, we’re defensive because we’ve been conditioned to be that way while growing up. But that doesn’t mean we can’t change.
Hobbies and interests
Having our own interests is an important part of being a well-rounded person. If our partner doesn’t have things they enjoy outside of the relationship (Fleming, 2026), then this might need a conversation to find out the cause. Are they feeling withdrawn, isolated, or dealing with depression, stress, burnout, or anxiety?
Although it’s not our job to help our partner feel more well-rounded, encouraging them to reconnect with past interests and hobbies, find new ones, or seek support is in the best interests of the relationship. How they respond to that is also very telling.
Check our emotions
It can be useful to pay attention to our emotional responses within the relationships we’re in (Harrison, 2025). These can work as indicators for unresolved issues or as subtle warnings for the relationship.
Is the relationship causing us to frequently feel anxious, frustrated, or unheard? If so, reflect on what that might mean.
No social support network
There’s nothing wrong with being happy with our own company (Fleming, 2026), but that’s fairly different to not having anyone in our social support network. Having a good social support network is great for our mental wellbeing, and gives us people to talk to outside of our relationships. This is only a major issue if we become their whole world and only option for support, as that can be a lot to carry.
Again, although it’s not our job to help our partners nurture a social support network, there is an argument to be made that it’s in everyone’s interests if we can help them see the merit in it. If they’re not interested in doing this at all, then that’s an answer in itself worth reflecting on.
After all, it can be hard to make friends as an adult, and it can be scary to try, but an openness to exploring ways to do that is a good sign.
Trust
Issues around trust, which often manifest as jealousy, retroactive jealousy, or difficulty with commitment, are important to tackle as soon as possible (Harrison, 2025). These kinds of behaviours are generally the result of the baggage we carry with us from past relationships (Leite, 2024), but can also be linked to our relationship with our parents growing up.
Support and understanding are a great start, but unless effort is made to resolve this baggage, it’s only going to continue to harm the relationship. Being able to talk about this with each other is important, but it might also require getting professional help, and that’s ok.
Boundaries
Respect for boundaries is an important indicator of the health of any relationship. Respect for boundaries also requires an element of trust (Harrison, 2025). If we feel our relationships are lacking in boundaries, or the boundaries we have aren’t being respected, then something needs to be done. If this is to the level of abuse, then an exit strategy might be worth considering.
If it’s not that extreme, then a conversation about boundaries is an important step. It can help to reflect on what boundaries we think we need first, as that’ll give the conversation a good starting point. It’s also important to make sure we ask about our partner’s boundaries as well, because they’re for everyone.
Identify behaviours we don’t like
A simple journal task that can be done to help us with relationship yellow flags is to think about the people that have come and gone in our lives, and think about the behaviours they engaged in that we didn’t like (Fleming, 2026) and did like.
For example, if someone came into our life whose inability to make or commit to plans bothered us, then chances are that’s going to be an important yellow flag that we’ll want to tackle early on in a relationship.
Summary
Relationships are difficult and require work throughout the life of those relationships. Seeing relationship green flags in someone is the best indicator we have of how easy it’ll be to work on a relationship with that person. Equally, if we see relationship red flags, then we know that relationship is probably doomed with that person.
But when it comes to relationship yellow flags, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. It often comes down to the baggage we bring to the relationship as well. But one thing all healthy relationships need is the ability to communicate with each other.
The line between a yellow flag and a red flag often comes down to intent, intensity, and frequency, but several of those examples can easily cross into red flag territory if the baseline toxicity is already present.
At the same time, a yellow flag can turn green when the right actions are taken, because there was a willingness to improve, which usually starts with a conversation.
So, along with working out what our relationship green and red flags are, consider what our yellow flags are, how many we may be willing to take on, and how many of our spoons we’re willing to invest in the short term for long-term payoffs to overcome them
As always, leave your feedback in the comments section below. Also, please share your experiences with relationship yellow flags in the comments section below. Don’t forget, if you want to stay up-to-date with my blog, you can sign up for my newsletter below. Alternatively, click the red bell icon in the bottom right corner to get push notifications for new articles.
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References
Fleming, L. (2026, February 5). 9 Yellow Flags in a Relationship and How to Deal With Them. Verywell Mind. Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/yellow-flags-in-a-relationship-how-to-deal-with-them-7497346.
Harrison, T. (2025, February 7). Identifying yellow flags in a relationship and how to deal. The Minds Journal. Retrieved from https://themindsjournal.com/yellow-flags-in-a-relationship.
Johnson, D., Wiley, K., Passmore, C., Horton, E. M., Altizer, R., & Mandryk, R. L. (2022). Shoulder-to-shoulder: How pinball supports men’s wellbeing. Proceedings of the ACM on Human-Computer Interaction, 6(CHI PLAY), 1-25. Retrieved from https://dl.acm.org/doi/pdf/10.1145/3549514 and https://www.researchgate.net/publication/365003545_Shoulder-to-Shoulder_How_Pinball_Supports_Men’s_Wellbeing.
Leite, L. (2024, March 28). 5 Yellow flags to look out for in a new relationship. Bond Touch. Retrieved from https://bond-touch.com/en-uk/blogs/the-other-half/5-yellow-flags-to-look-out-for-in-a-relationship.
Nelson, A. (2014, April 27). The secret science of posture and position. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/he-speaks-she-speaks/201404/why-you-stand-side-by-side-or-face-to-face.
Nelson, J. (2024, January 16). 33 yellow flags that aren’t actually dealbreakers — but mean you should be very careful. Thought Catalog. Retrieved from https://thoughtcatalog.com/january-nelson/2019/05/33-yellow-flags-that-arent-actually-dealbreakers-but-mean-you-should-be-very-careful.
Rosati, K. (2026, Jul 27). What, exactly, is a yellow flag in dating?. Cosmopolitan. Retrieved from https://www.cosmopolitan.com/relationships/a73172152/yellow-flags-dating.
Seager, M. (2021, November 10). Making better connections with men and boys. The Centre for Male Psychology. Retrieved from https://www.centreformalepsychology.com/male-psychology-magazine-listings/making-better-connections-with-men-and-boys.