Continuing with the theme of ‘a new year, new me‘, looking into the concept of selfhood seems like a great way to get the ball rolling in 2026. Here we’ll discuss what selfhood is and how to develop a healthier sense of selfhood.
What Is Selfhood?
Selfhood generally refers to the state or quality of being an individual; one’s unique identity, personality, and character. This encompasses each of our distinct personalities as individuals, including our goals, needs, rights, and responsibilities. Regarding our character, this encompasses our traits, behaviours, temperament, emotions, and mentality.
From a philosophical and psychological perspective, this also encompasses our knowledge, values, experiences, concept of self, and how they relate to one another. It can even carry a connotation of self-concern or egocentrism (selfishness).
I would also argue that adding what Yeo, Tan, Ho, and Baumeister (2023) investigated in their study into selfhood should also be included, which is: self-esteem, self-concept, self-compassion, self-awareness, self-efficacy, and self-regulation.
Why Selfhood Is Important
The concept of selfhood also has implications for our mental wellbeing. A meta-analysis of 298 studies by Yeo, Tan, Ho, and Baumeister (2023) found that adolescents with low self-esteem, self-concept, self-compassion, self-awareness, self-efficacy, and self-regulation experience higher rates of depression and anxiety. Therefore, a more developed and robust selfhood would go hand in glove with better mental health.
Not only that, but understanding selfhood is good for our relationships. It does this by helping us understand that we’re all separate people with our own sense of selfhood. It can also be good for our sense of empathy. This is also linked to our sense of rights, dignity, and justice. We’re all worthy of respect as individuals with separate lives, inside and out.
Developing Our Sense Of Selfhood
Our childhoods tend to be the most important part of developing our sense of selfhood, especially our adolescent years. Our adolescent years have a lot going on, as we transition from child to adult, causing a lot of biological changes we need to manage.
However, that doesn’t mean we can’t work on our sense of selfhood at any point in our lives. We can do this by focusing less on “finding” ourselves and focusing more on building ourselves through intentional practices.
Conduct a “social audit
Most of our “self” is often just a collection of habits we picked up to please parents, teachers, or peers. It can also develop as a reaction to things outside of our control. To find our true selfhood, we must identify what isn’t ours.
For one week, ask “Why am I doing this?” about our small habits. For example, do we actually value our career path, or is it just “respectable” or something our parents wanted for us? Try to distinguish what others need from us and what we want for ourselves.
Define our core values
Values are the “DNA” of selfhood. They provide a stable foundation that doesn’t change when our circumstances do. For me, it’s wanting to help others and helping them avoid the experiences I had. It’s no use building are core values on what others might think, or what we think others would want us to choose.
If we’re unsure of what our values might be, we can try reflecting on peak moments of joy and pride from our lives, and think about what was happening. Were we being creative? Were we helping someone? Were we solving a problem? Questions like this can help us identify a common thread in these moments, which can guide us to a core value.
We can also analyse where we spend our time and energy, think about what inspires us and why, and consider what gives us a sense of meaning and purpose. Once we have a few ideas of what our values are, it can help to refine those to 3-5 core values, non-negotiable values. For example, autonomy, curiosity, and authenticity. Then, if we face a decision, reflect on how the choices align with those values.
Practice saying “no”
We cannot have a healthy sense of selfhood if we don’t have boundaries. A boundary acts like a line between where we end and where another person begins. And the most important boundary skill, life skill, is being able to say “no”.
Being able to say “no” to the things we don’t want to do strengthens our sense of selfhood and our resilience. But we don’t have to start big in developing this skill. Start small and practice saying “no” to low-stakes stuff. We may feel guilty when we do this at first, but that will pass as we get used to saying “no”. Because we have no reason to feel guilty about not doing the things we don’t want to do.
Develop agency
A healthy sense of selfhood requires agency, which is the belief that we’re the primary drivers of our lives. This means owning our choices, even difficult choices we don’t really like. An example from my life would be that I chose to abuse drugs and alcohol because at the time, it was the only thing stopping me from killing myself.
Also, try using the healthy version of the “fuck it” button if we find ourselves trapped in overthinking, so we can take the action we need to take.
Curate our internal narrative
Although our brains can bombard us with intrusive thoughts that aren’t a reflection of who we are, the stories we tell ourselves will become our self-imposed identity if we’re not careful. For example, if we constantly have an inner critic putting us down, it’ll chip away at our sense of self. In such a situation, work on identifying where this voice is coming from, challenge it, accept the inner critic, or learn to let the thoughts exist without engaging with or suppressing them.
If we have a need for approval, then we seek to run the show ourselves by consciously narrating our progress. We can also challenge maladaptive core beliefs, embrace positive psychology, catch our cognitive biases, and use affirmations.
Our anchor
Selfhood acts as our anchor. So when the external world gets stormy, our internal core remains stable, which is why it’s helpful to know what our values are. Our values are really good at getting us through difficult times, times where those values might be pushed to the limits.
Furthermore, when it comes to anxiety, this comes from a fear of not being in control, which is how our anxiety can be about worrying about experiencing anxiety. A strong sense of selfhood, the agency that comes with that, can help manage this feeling of helplessness.
Summary
Selfhood is the internal architecture of our identity. It is the distinct sense of “I” that remains constant even as our circumstances, roles, and environments change. But rather than it being a pure static destination, selfhood is a dynamic, lifelong process of building a core that is independent of external validation. The rudder that guides our ship.
As always, leave your feedback in the comments section below. Also, please share your experiences with selfhood in the comments section below as well. Don’t forget, if you want to stay up-to-date with my blog, you can sign up for my newsletter below. Alternatively, click the red bell icon in the bottom right corner to get push notifications for new articles.
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References
Yeo, G., Tan, C., Ho, D., & Baumeister, R. F. (2023). How do aspects of selfhood relate to depression and anxiety among youth? A meta-analysis. Psychological Medicine, 53(11), 4833-4855. Retrieved from https://www.cambridge.org/core/services/aop-cambridge-core/content/view/711ED28FA69E0413FD8DB23560F3DC60/S0033291723001083a.pdf/div-class-title-how-do-aspects-of-selfhood-relate-to-depression-and-anxiety-among-youth-a-meta-analysis-div.pdf.
The road to self-discovery never ends. Every year I discover new things about myself. And that makes me grateful and appreciate myself more.
Indeed it doesn’t ever end. Thanks for commenting