Building Resilience: An Amazing Guide To Psychological Durability

After writing my article on the importance of having a good social support network, it made sense to write an article on building resilience. I’ve been wanting to write this for a while, especially since I created my workbook on building resilience quite a while ago. So, there is no time like the present. Enjoy.

 

Disclosure: This article contains links to my Unwanted Life Shop. Read my full disclosure here.

 

 

What Do I Mean By Building Resilience?

 

One of the more common definitions of resilience in our vocabulary is that resilience is the ability to bounce back and be happy, at least according to the Cambridge Dictionary. It’s also been referred to as the ability to bend but not break when faced with a challenge or obstacle. However, there isn’t a common understanding of the true nature or process of being resilient (Warner and April, 2012), and there doesn’t appear to be an agreed-upon definition used in researching it either.

 

This makes it hard to build resilience if there’s no agreed-upon view of what it is. It’s actually easier to describe what resilience isn’t, rather than what resilience is. But for the purpose of simplicity, for now, we’ll define resilience as being the trait that people want (Warner and April, 2012), which helps them weather the storm and bounce back from setbacks. However, I reserve the right to change that definition by the end of this article.

 

What I will say is that there’s a reason organisations make efforts to create preventative programmes based on building resilience. That’s because of the idea that money spent on prevention will save money on the cost of burnout, productivity issues, and health impacts (Vanhove, Herian, Perez, Harms, and Lester, 2016).

 

 

What Resilience Is Not!

 

Difficult situations

Being resilient doesn’t mean that a person won’t experience difficulty or distressing situations, so if you think building resilience will mean you won’t, then you’re going to be disappointed. One reason for this is that not all stress is created equal and not all of us respond in the same way.

 

According to Fernandez (2016), there is such a thing as “good stress”. You might have heard people in your social support network talk about how a certain amount of stress can help them be more productive. This can be true for many, if not all of us. But we all have a limit, no matter how well you’ve built up your resilience.

 

It’s not a matter of if, but when, we eventually break under the stress. Then there’s the fact that some might easily manage work stress, but something small in their personal life can be enough to derail them.

 

For example, I hear a lot of self-disclosure in my line of work, the kind of stuff that people might struggle with, but I can handle it with no real problem. Yet, an interaction with my mum can cause me to feel stressed and depressed with relative ease. That’s why, for the sake of my mental wellbeing, I keep our interactions to a bare minimum.

 

Endurance

Resilience isn’t about enduring everything thrown at you. Common usage of resilience suggests it’s about recharging after trying hard instead.

 

 

Mental toughness

Again, resilience isn’t really about mental toughness or any kind of alpha male bullshit about what they think toughness is. Building resilience is about being able to work through emotional pain and being able to move forward when ready. Toughing it out comes at a heavy price. A price that our loved ones often pay.

 

Grit

Perseverance, or grit, can be a useful trait to have, in some situations at least. However, grit, a sustained effort towards a task or goal, isn’t resilience and can be harmful (Payne, 2022). Sometimes it’s better to know when to quit, rather than believing you should never quit.

 

I used to have the mentality that you should finish what you started, but I soon found that to be problematic. During my A Levels, I was studying law, but the way it was taught wasn’t compatible at all with my dyslexia. Instead of learning anything in class, I was so lost that I just slept through the lessons instead.

 

I really struggled with not gritting my teeth and sticking with studying law, but I was guaranteed to fail if I did. This was the first time I allowed myself to quit anything. And although it was hard, it was definitely the right thing to do. I would go so far as to say this became a life lesson. Something to add to my recovery capital.

 

Choice

Resilience is not a choice (Rice, N.d.). We all adapt differently and process trauma and stress differently. The problem with seeing things like this as a choice, just like seeing happiness as a choice, is that you can blame people for not being happy or resilient according to a particular standard. And that is a huge problem.

 

There are many factors outside of our control that can affect how resilient we are, from mental health and health issues to disabilities, abuse, and trauma. Then there’s gender identity, sexuality, and ethnicity as a result of prejudice and discrimination.

 

 

Building Resilience

 

Time

Building resilience doesn’t happen overnight, and depending on your starting point, it may take longer than it might for others. But that’s ok. Just like building muscle, building resilience takes time and intentionality.

 

Change

An important part of building resilience is the ability to accept change (N.n., 2012). Change is always going to happen, no matter how much we might want to fight it. Not every change will be good, but being able to accept the circumstances that can’t be altered can spare you a lot of psychological energy and distress.

 

Emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence, which is the ability to understand the emotions of others and manage your own emotions, plays an important role in building resilience. It’s not about suppressing our emotions to get on with things as we grit our teeth (Sinclair, 2024). Rather, it’s about knowing ourselves and others so we can take appropriate action, such as knowing when we’re starting to burnout.

 

Recovery capital

Recovery capital is something we all have. It’s made up of all the things that we can rely on to help us, such as our social support network, our achievements, our strengths, and our skills. Work out what your recovery capital is so you can get a better idea of your resilience resources.

 

 

Explore past resilience

We often forget that our past experiences are a significant source of building resilience. This is exactly why I included a cognitive reappraisal (also known as the silver lining) section in my updated exposure workbook. Life events, when reframed or have been used to look for a silver lining, can build a bank of evidence that will show how resilient you are. This bank of experience can be used as a reminder that you got through difficult situations before, and you will again.

 

A question I like to start with when talking to my clients about their concerns regarding their resilience is, “What makes you think you aren’t resilient?”. Then getting them to look at moments when they think they weren’t resilient, getting them to tell me how they got through it, and highlighting the silver lining as they do.

 

So what can you take from your past difficulties to build your resilience?

 

Develop a positive mindset

Cultivating a positive outlook on life and approaching challenges with optimism has been shown to be beneficial to us (Seligman, 2011). Focusing on our strengths and past successes, and believing in our abilities will help us to overcome difficulties. It will also help overcome issues with imposter syndrome.

 

Taking a leaf out of positive psychology and engaging in activities like practising gratitude and looking for silver linings in appropriate and challenging situations can help us develop a more positive mindset.

 

If you’d like help with developing a positive mindset, then check out my gratitude diary in my shop by clicking here.

 

Intrusive thoughts

Learning how to reduce anxiety, worry, and other unwanted intrusive thoughts by using thought challenges is an approach to building resilience. Thought challenges like looking for the silver lining, reframing, and putting your thoughts on trial are easy skills to add to your wellbeing toolbox for building resilience.

 

If you’re interested in tackling your worries, then check out my worry workbook in my shop by clicking here.

 

 

Cognitive biases

It can be easy to fall into thinking traps, aka cognitive biases. A common cognitive bias is overgeneralising or assuming the worst. These can be tackled with thought challenges, although I do have a workbook on cognitive biases specifically created, so each cognitive bias has its own intervention to work through. One way to overcome assuming the worst is to consider every other outcome besides the worst, especially the most likely outcomes.

 

If you’re interested in finding out more, check out my cognitive biases workbook in my shop by clicking here.

 

Social support network

Surround yourself with supportive and positive people who can provide emotional support and encouragement during tough times. Seek out trusted friends, family members, mentors, or support groups who can offer guidance, a listening ear, or different perspectives. Fostering strong relationships like this works as the bedrock for building resilience (Seligman, 2011). We all need a good social support network.

 

It’s important to note that building resilience isn’t an isolated and individual thing to build. We’re social creatures, so keep in mind that social and community support, as well as connection with others, will help us all build resilience, not just on an individual level (Rice, N.d.). So create a space safe for your social support network that works for everyone.

 

According to Baker, Baker, and Burrell (2021), when people are properly supported to manage pressure and demands at work, this provides benefits both at work and at home. Just thought I’d throw that at the end of this section.

 

Self-care

Self-care is for everyone, and not just when you’re already feeling burnt out. Take care of your physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. Prioritise activities that promote relaxation, stress reduction, and self-renewal. This may include getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly, practising mindfulness or meditation, and engaging in hobbies or activities you enjoy. The bonus of investing in a hobby or interest is that it can also help us gain a sense of purpose and meaning while building resilience.

 

Play

Engaging in playfulness might not seem like it’ll help with building resilience, but it actually does. Humour is the best medicine for a reason. So be silly and enjoy playing games no matter how old you are. Playfulness has no age limit.

 

 

Problem-solving skills

Work on enhancing your problem-solving abilities to effectively navigate challenges. Break down problems into smaller, manageable steps, and seek practical solutions. Look for creative approaches and think outside the box. Learning from past experiences and applying those lessons can also improve your problem-solving skills.

 

Goal setting

Consider creating SMART goals when creating goals for yourself. This can make it easier for you to achieve your goals by keeping them realistic and avoiding setting yourself up to fail. The bonus of which will be more goal achievements to reflect on, giving you a motivational boost.

 

Maintaining a flexible mindset

Being adaptable is key to resilience. Embrace change and be open to new possibilities. Recognise that setbacks and failures are part of life, and view them as opportunities for growth and learning. Be willing to adjust your plans and strategies as needed. As Helmuth von Moltke said, no plan survives first contact with the enemy. If that one doesn’t work for you, then there’s the idiom, “Best laid plans” or “The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men” from Robert Burns’s book ‘To A Mouse‘.

 

Kindness

Treat yourself with kindness and compassion, especially during difficult times. Avoid self-criticism and negative self-talk. Accept that setbacks and failures are a normal part of life, and be gentle with yourself as you navigate challenges. Practice self-care and engage in activities that nurture your wellbeing.

 

Positive psychology

Basically, check out all the positive psychology interventions and start implementing the ones that you like the look of. Because they’ve featured a lot in building resilience.

 

 

Cultivate a sense of purpose

Life can feel harder when we feel we lack purpose and meaning in life. Therefore, connect with your values and identify what gives your life purpose and meaning. Having a sense of purpose helps us build resilience. It does that by helping to provide direction and motivation during challenging times.

 

A way to tap into this is by trying to set meaningful goals and aligning our actions with our values. This is also why finding that purpose and meaning in hobbies and interests can be so valuable, as we’re not all able to get that from our work.

 

Asking for help if needed

If you’re facing significant challenges or struggling with your mental wellbeing or anything else in your life, consider seeking support from your social support network or a professional. Although it can be hard to ask for help, there’s nothing braver than asking for that help. They can provide support, guidance, tools, advice, and strategies to help you navigate difficulties and further aid you in building resilience.

 

Asking for help is a big part of being resilient, as that’s the point of being a social animal with a social support network, who also has access to support services. This also shows others that it’s ok to ask for help, which, if you have children, will set a good example for them (Taibbi, 2024).

 

Taking breaks

Taking breaks during our day is also an important part of building resilience and maintaining it. According to Fernandez (2016), this can also help with our productivity and energy levels, as we go through peaks and valleys with our energy and productivity throughout the day. This could be taking a fika break to help recharge, creating a dopamine menu, tapping into microjoys, or applying the Pomodoro/animedoro method.

 

Keep things in perspective

Our perception is everything. It’s how we see ourselves and the world around us, and is what sets us apart from everyone else. So how we perceive, think, and feel will play a role in building resilience. Try to adopt a more rational and realistic way of things, so that irrational thoughts don’t have the final say. Again, this is where thought challenges come in.

 

For example, you might not be able to change a stressful event, as such events are often out of our control, but we can try to change how we perceive and respond to that stressful event (N.n., 2012).

 

My Building Resilience Workbook

 

My building resilience workbook was designed to help people build up their resilience, making it easier to manage their stressful lives. The workbook combines elements from positive psychology, self-care, thought challenges, goal setting, assertiveness, and barriers to building resilience. So consider letting my 42-page workbook help you build your resilience.

 

 

You can find my Building Resilience workbook over at my store by clicking here.

 

 

Summary

 

Building resilience is an ongoing process that takes time and practice. Be patient with yourself and celebrate small victories along the way. With perseverance and a resilient and positive mindset, you can bounce back from setbacks and emerge stronger and more capable of facing future challenges.

 

Although building resilience is an important concept in the modern world, really it’s about properly looking after yourself. If we properly look after ourselves, then we can handle things better. But also remember that you will still face setbacks, and you will still struggle. It’s a matter of when, not if, if you don’t properly look after your wellbeing. No one can live a life without ever facing a setback.

 

The Samaritans have also created a one-hour lesson plan to help people learn how to build resilience, which you can find here.

 

As always, leave your feedback in the comments section below. Also, please share your experiences with building resilience in the comments section below. Don’t forget, if you want to stay up-to-date with my blog, you can sign up for my newsletter below. Alternatively, click the red bell icon in the bottom right corner to get push notifications for new articles.

 

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References

 

Baker, F. R., Baker, K. L., & Burrell, J. (2021). Introducing the skills‐based model of personal resilience: Drawing on content and process factors to build resilience in the workplace. Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology, 94(2), 458-481. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1111/joop.12340.

Fernandez, R. (2016). 5 Ways to boost your resilience at work. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2016/06/627-building-resilience-ic-5-ways-to-build-your-personal-resilience-at-work and https://drmalviniredden.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/5-Ways-to-Boost-Your-Resilience-at-Work.pdf.

N.n. (2012). Building your resilience: We all face trauma, adversity, and other stresses. Here’s a roadmap for adapting to life-changing situations, and emerging even stronger than before. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience/building-your-resilience.

Payne, B. (2022, August). What Resilience is Not. Payne Resilience Training and Consulting. Retrieved from https://payneresilience.com/blog/what-resilience-is-not.

Rice, A. (N.d.). What Resilience Is and Isn’t. Psych Central. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-resilience.

Seligman, M. E. (2011). Building resilience. Harvard Business Review, 89(4), 100-106. Retrieved from https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5c54da9fb9144972dc8100a6/t/6352fadf98d24e0a5877f9cb/1666382560105/Building_Resilience20191015-82688-1mbq74d-with-cover-page-v2.pdf.

Sinclair, A. (2024, August). 7 signs someone is mentally tough, according to psychology. Global English Editing. Retrieved from https://geediting.com/signs-someone-is-mentally-tough-according-to-psychology.

Taibbi, R. (2024, November). How to Raise Resilient Kids: Resiliency is learned, not innate. These 7 tips can help. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/fixing-families/202411/how-to-raise-resilient-kids.

Vanhove, A. J., Herian, M. N., Perez, A. L., Harms, P. D., & Lester, P. B. (2016). Can resilience be developed at work? A meta‐analytic review of resilience‐building programme effectiveness. Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology, 89(2), 278-307. Retrieved from https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/joop.12123.

Warner, R., & April, K. (2012). Building Personal Resilience at Work. Effective Executive, 15(4). Retrieved from https://affinityhealthhub.co.uk/d/attachments/1-warner-april-1515408836.pdf.