I have a problem with enacting my ideas, sometimes I’ll make it to the stage of starting, but I rarely get further than that nowadays. Mostly I have a lot of creative and often great ideas, and just don’t follow through on them because of my self-doubt: I find it extremely difficult trying to keep myself on track.
Why Can’t I Keep Myself On Track?
I might not be able to follow through on my ideas or keep myself motivated because I’m held back by it not being convenient and not already being a master at doing it. For me; I don’t like to be seen trying. Because of my childhood, it has to seem as if I’m naturally good at it or even perfect. Because of that, getting started on a new challenge can be hard. I’d largely given up even before I started.
It’s possible that my goal or the thing I want to do isn’t something I really want. I have lots of inspired ideas, but the truth is I don’t know what I want to do with my life or what I want from life. If I don’t know these things, then how can I make myself motivated to enact the ideas I come up with?
My self-esteem. One of the many things my childhood took away from me and I’ve never got back is having even a remotely good level of self-esteem. If you’re stuck thinking you’re not good enough or that you’re useless, thanks to negative self-talk, then you won’t be as motivated as you could be to pursue your ideas and tackle your goals.
Being stalled by assuming I’ll fail at what I’m trying to do, so what’s the point of starting in the first place? The key to this is probably having low self-esteem, but also by the fact that I’ve struggled with nihilistic depression since I was eight years old. Plus, if you don’t have the skill set to make your ideas happen, then that can put you off trying. Thus, stalling yourself before you’ve even begun.
Allowing periods of inactivity to bring me down. I seem to waste a lot of my time doing nothing, even though I have a lot of time to spare. Although I have that time due to my health issues because the diagnosis stage is taking forever with my various specialists. The act of doing nothing useful by killing time watching TV or streaming content breeds more behaviour like that. This inactivity behaviour then makes me feel bad for not doing anything.
Because I know I have a procrastination and motivation problem, have I somehow made that part of my identity? If I keep saying that I struggle with motivation or that I lack it, then it stands to reason that this could cause me to lose motivation: a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I’ve compared myself to people my whole life. It’s hard not to when you spend your childhood wishing you were white so the racist abuse would stop. My white peers and white friends all had it far easier than me. Engaging in envy and comparisons only harms me and my motivation. But again, this would likely be linked to my self-esteem issues.
I’ve had a lot of ideas over the years, like creating an app, becoming a politician, becoming a magistrate, starting a business, etc. However, I rarely follow through on them, rarely because I lack the skill set to do so.
For this blog, I managed to double down on the idea and went as far as to buy a webpage hosting plan and start to design the webpage (which is pretty evident, obviously). However, it hasn’t been easy, I’ve had to battle all the parts of me that want me to do nothing, for example, instead of starting work on building my blog page at the start of my day, I’ll instead waste the majority of my day watching my TV shows and prolonging the time I’ll eat breakfast, whereby it’ll be late afternoon, sometimes early evening, before I’ll even get around to doing any more work on it.
The little voice of self-doubt in my head that I’m plagued by which whispers negative things in my head. They try to ease me into the idea that it’s ok to give up because I’m going to fail anyway, even though it doesn’t even matter if I fail or not. It’s no big loss if I do. I’ll still benefit from the experience of trying with the added benefit of also working through my issues via the process of writing these posts for others to read, even if no one actually reads them. It never hurts to keep working on your issues.
The strange part is, once I start working on the blog for the day, I’ll keep working on it like there was never a problem, and I’ll do my best to work as hard as I can at building my blog, it’s just getting to the point of starting the work that’s the problem.
If I can just find a way to overcome this obstacle and keep myself on track, thereby allowing me to put all my effort into working on this blog, that would be fantastic. After all, it’s just one little problem, I hope.
Keeping myself on track is just so hard for some reason.
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Unwanted Life readers.
27 thoughts on “Why Do I Fail To Keep Myself On Track?”
I can relate to this totally. Have you managed to find ways of being more proactive in your work yet?
Unfortunately not, some days I’m motivated others I’m not at all and waste the day. How about you?
I’ve started working full time as a counsellor now so I think (hope) being surrounded in that environment on the daily again is gonna get me going more. I fell into a rut this year because of the lockdown and stuff….. Things are slowly picking themself up again now
That’s cool that things are hopefully turning around for you
Thanks…..fyi I love all the added little extra’s you’ve added to your blog posts and designs…. it’s given me food for thought, lol
I’m glad it’s helped inspire you
I can relate some of this. Some days are difficult ? Brave post ?
Thanks for sharing
Thanks for commenting
I can relate to this, it can be very hard to find the motivation sometimes and this last year really hasn’t helped. I hope you find a way to deal with it.
So many great reasons to keep yourself on track. I often find that writing out the reasons gives me a little push in the right direction!
That’s an interesting idea
I find my self esteem cs
Sorry. I’ll finish my comments! I find my self-esteem can stop me from achieving stuff. Also, I have to stop comparing myself to others.
I just do a bit at a time and focus on the present. And not think that I’ll probably fail. I just keep going.
Comparing yourself to others never makes you feel good
I really resonate with 6 and 7. The self fulfilling prophecy is such a sneaky trap to fall into. That’s why becoming self aware is, for some people, very important!
Being self aware sure helps, but sometimes it isn’t enough. Like, I know my issues and failings inside and out, yet I still let them get the better of me
This is so relatable for a long time I felt the same way. I would rarely finish what I started and would have days of doing nothing but watching YouTube videos. What really helped me was my brother he got me to start working out and he is constantly asking what and I doing for the day he also told me to start blogging again as I had quit after finishing high school. I still sometimes have days I don’t feel like doing anything but having support really does help. Also I feel you with wishing you were white. As a mixed race child and the darkest skinned out of three children I struggled a lot as people always treated my two other siblings who are much lighter skinned then me better. I am slowly coming to terms of accepting myself by everyday looking in the mirror and telling myself I am beautiful. Also I try not to compare myself to others. Thank you for sharing these so relatable truths and encouraging others.
Comparisons are the worst, and black is beautiful. At least we don’t have to waste time trying to get a tan ?
Oh, I can definitely relate to this! I’ve gone through many moments in my life where I’ve lost track of my goals and forget where I’m heading. Thankfully I’ve got everything planned and organised (for now!) to begin making progress towards achieving my dreams. Thanks for sharing! 🙂
I really need to work on my organising skills
I been feeling this a little lately, especially in doing things I am not passionate about. It is easy to do something I love, like writing and cleaning and gardening, but other things I sometimes struggle to fit into my routine.
I love that you have pinpointed the reasons why you sometimes wander off track; I need to do that. Having a list is a big help in targeting the drifting areas!
Thanks for sharing. 🙂
As long as you don’t do what I do, and leave your dishes piled up for months at a time
I will do my best! ?
That’s all any of us can do ?
I so relate with this! I usually start thing and never manage to finish because i think that it’s not working out enough or don’t even start them because i am fixed on the idea that it won’t work! Goals and small tasks help a lot! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Small tasks all the way