Bad News: How Can We Better Manage Stressful Life Events?

Receiving bad news is a part of being alive. So at some point, we’re all going to have to handle bad news. However, because we’re all unique, we all naturally respond differently to such news. Thus, I thought I’d put together a guide to help people manage such news better. I hope you find it useful.

 

Disclosure: This article contains links to my Unwanted Life Shop. Read my full disclosure here.

 

 

The Importance Of Handling Bad News

 

In the world we live in, it’s unavoidable that you’ll encounter various forms of bad news over the course of your life. Hopefully, the fewer the better. I’ve had clients who’ve sought support for relationship break ups, having a miscarriage, bereavement, you name it really.

 

Whatever the bad news might be, it can have a huge negative impact on us, and in some cases, trigger anxiety or our flight or flight response. As we’re all different, we also respond differently to such news (Nichols, 2018). This is where my article and handling bad news worksheet come in.

 

The problem is that we don’t always adopt the best coping strategies when faced with bad news. Bad coping strategies are often learnt because healthy coping strategies aren’t learnt, and are often reinforced, as they seem to have worked before (O’Connell, 2021).

 

For example, I’d previously written about my issue with leaving my mail unopened because I felt it avoided the stress and anxiety it caused me. But really, it didn’t. The reality was that it caused me more stress and anxiety by not opening the mail. Once I realised that and started opening my mail as soon as I got it, it removed a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety from my life.

 

 

How To Handle Bad News

 

Doomscrolling

It doesn’t take much to be exposed to bad news nowadays with the 24/7 access our modern world provides. We can quite quickly find ourselves doomscrolling or going down a rabbit hole in an effort to stay informed. However, if we don’t know our limits, then we’ll end up buying a price with our mental wellbeing (Mental Health Foundation, N.d)

 

Self-care

Whenever we encounter bad news, it can be important to step away and take some time for ourselves (Mental Health Foundation, N.db). This can be used to reflect on such information, but also to engage in self-care. It can also be useful to try to maintain a balance between handling the bad news and your stress levels.

 

Resilience

As stated in my article on building resilience, what resilience is and isn’t is not as clear-cut as we might think. My personal way to look at it is basically how we look after ourselves. If we take time to look after ourselves, then we will be more resilient as a result. If we don’t look after ourselves, we won’t be as capable of handling bad news and will be more prone to stress.

 

In short, if you want to be able to handle bad news better, make sure to put in the time and effort to look after yourself throughout your life. Not just when you’re starting to feel stressed or burnt out.

 

If you’d like to learn more about how to look after yourself better so you can build resilience, then check out my article on building resilience by clicking here.

 

 

Microjoys

It might not seem like a little dose of joy would be enough, but you’d be surprised at how a microjoy can help turn things around (Mental Health Foundation, N.db). As I said in my previous article on microjoys, try to recall a time when you were having a bad day and someone said something funny or you saw something funny, and how that changed your day. Then you’ll understand.

 

Reach out for support

When receiving bad news, it can take the wind out of our sails and knock us for six. So don’t be afraid to seek support from your social support network or a professional. No rule says you have to go through this alone.

 

Grounding

Another good way to help you remain calm when you receive bad news is to use a grounding technique (O’Connell, 2021). Just try to focus on the here and now, and pay attention to your senses and surroundings. A common grounding technique is the 5-4-3-2-1 technique:

 

• What are five things you can see?
• What four things you can feel?
• What three things you can hear?
• What are two things you can smell?
• What is one thing you can taste, such as a drink you have or imagine the taste of your favourite food (if you have nothing to hand to taste)?

 

Breath

Another method, which also works as a grounding technique, is to engage in a breathing exercise (Kane, 2017). It doesn’t have to be anything complicated. It can be as simple as taking a few deep breaths to help you relax your body from its agitated state. Another simple method is box breathing:

 

1. Breathe in for four seconds through the nose.
2. Hold your breath for four seconds.
3. Breathe out through your mouth for four seconds.
4. And hold for four seconds.
5. Repeat as many times as needed.

 

 

Express your thoughts

One of the reasons for having a social support network is that talking about what’s happened/happening can help us process it, which can often be enough (Peart, 2024). Find someone in your social support network that you feel safe to talk to and have that much-needed vent. Alternatively, contact a therapist or your GP for my professional support.

 

Kindness

One way to help you process bad news is to process how you react to such information. Because we’re often our own worst critic, a good place to start is by treating ourselves with kindness (Patrick, 2024). Self-compassion goes a long way. Thus, work on adopting self-compassion in response to receiving bad news.

 

Exposure therapy

Another way to get used to handling bad news is through the use of exposure to such information. However, I do concede that this might not be easy to do, because how are you going to expose yourself to bad news frequently enough? This approach would be better suited to bad news from places like the media (Nichols, 2018), rather than news regarding a health issue or a relationship break-up.

 

Negative news cycles

Speaking of the media, it’s easy for negative news cycles to cause us to feel isolated and alone. This is one of the reasons why it’s a good idea to develop and maintain a good social support network. There’s also the option to reach out to your community to tackle the bad news, as this can lead us to feel empowered (Papyrus, 2023).

 

For example, you might see some bad news about an event in the newspaper or on social media, and instead of sitting with that news, you may want to try to do something. This might be to donate to a relevant cause, volunteer, start a petition, etc.

 

Fact check

In today’s world, it can be hard to separate facts from fiction. There are entire teams out there who are paid to spread misinformation. When it comes to bad news, this is another area where you may need to fact-check the information (Kane, 2017), or at least to find a more balanced view of the information so you have a more complete picture, minimising other people’s biases affecting your perception.

 

 

Reframing

Reframing is a great go-to thought and belief challenge that can be used in a lot of situations, and receiving bad news can be one of those situations. When appropriate, try looking for a neutral or positive alternative to that information. For example, being told you might have cancer is going to be shocking news to hear, but recovery rates are getting better year after year, so reframing the bad news to include information like that could be one way to reframe it.

 

Look for the silver lining

Another useful thought challenge when it comes to handling bad news is looking for the silver lining. This can help us foster and maintain hope when we experience new challenges like this (Maguire and Faulkner, 1988). Furthermore, exploring previous situations and looking for the silver lining, where appropriate, can give us a reserve of examples where we overcame difficulties, which we can use to remind us that we can do it again.

 

Avoid jumping to conclusions

When we get bad news, we can often be swayed by cognitive biases, such as jumping to the worst possible conclusions (Kane, 2017). We can soon go down a negative spiral of “What if…?” if we’re not careful. This is a great time to be using thought challenges to avoid this happening, and making more of an effort to also look at the neutral and positive outcomes to weigh against the worst-case outcome.

 

Name your emotions

When receiving bad news that causes you to experience difficulty and complex emotions, it can help to try to identify those feelings. Saying them aloud or writing about them in a journal can help make sense of situations that might have knocked you for six (Peart, 2024). Often in situations like this, we can have such a complicated mixture of feelings that we can experience conflicting feelings, and acknowledging these by naming them can help us to understand ourselves better.

 

For example, when I found out my granddad had dementia, there were a lot of complicated and conflicting emotions, because I struggle more with people suffering rather than dying. Dementia is one of those conditions that rob a person of who they are. It’s common for people to have conflicting feelings about wanting their loved one to live as long as possible, while also wanting their suffering to end. I know that’s what I experienced.

 

 

Accept your negative emotion

It goes without saying that if you’re receiving bad news, you’re highly likely to experience negative emotions as a result. It can be tempting to avoid dealing with and acknowledging such emotions (Nichols, 2018), especially if we think we need to be strong.

 

However, it’s healthy to accept these negative emotions and to explore them and the bad news we’ve just received (Maguire and Faulkner, 1988). Denying such an emotional response can mean we’re denying a very reasonable response.

 

Next steps

Remember to consider what your responsibilities might be regarding the bad news (Kane, 2017). In doing this, it can make it easier to know what your next steps might be. This can help us become more rational about what happens next.

 

My Handling Bad News Worksheet

 

There are a lot of methods available for handling bad news, too much for a single worksheet exercise. So I wanted to strip it back to a simple process that anyone could work through with minimal effort or support, and that’s what I think I’ve achieved with this worksheet.

 

 

You can find my Handling Bad News worksheet over at my store by clicking here.

 

 

Summary

 

There are many ways that we can respond to bad news, but there are also many ways to learn how to respond better in those situations. And, there’s also a streamlined way to work through handling bad news if you find yourself struggling, thanks to my worksheet. Bad news doesn’t have to be left to badly affect you.

 

As always, leave your feedback in the comments section below. Also, please share your experiences with handling bad news in the comments section below. Don’t forget, if you want to stay up-to-date with my blog, you can sign up for my newsletter below. Alternatively, click the red bell icon in the bottom right corner to get push notifications for new articles.

 

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References

 

Nichols, H. (2018, March). How to deal with bad news. Medical News Today. Retrieved from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321230.

Kane, S. (2017, August). What to Do When You Get Unexpected Bad News. Psych Central. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-to-do-when-you-get-unexpected-bad-news.

Maguire, P., & Faulkner, A. (1988). Communicate with cancer patients: 1. Handling bad news and difficult questions. BMJ: British Medical Journal, 297(6653), 907. Retrieved from https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1834461/pdf/bmj00306-0043.pdf.

Mental Health Foundation. (N.d). Tips to look after your mental health during traumatic world events. Mental Health Foundation. Retrieved from https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/articles/tips-look-after-your-mental-health-during-traumatic-world-events.

Mental Health Foundation. (N.db). How to manage and reduce stress. Mental Health Foundation. Retrieved from https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/publications/how-manage-and-reduce-stress.

Nichols, H. (2018, March). How to deal with bad news. Medical News Today. Retrieved from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321230#2-Repeat-exposure-to-the-news.

O’Connell, E. (2021, October). How to cope when you receive bad news. Metro. Retrieved from https://metro.co.uk/2021/10/05/how-to-cope-when-you-receive-bad-news-15366732.

Papyrus. (2023, May). Maintaining your mental health during negative news cycles. Papyrus UK | Suicide Prevention Charity. Retrieved from https://www.papyrus-uk.org/mental-health-during-negative-news-cycles.

Patrick, J. (2024, January). How to Receive Bad News: Pivot negative news into a righteous response. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/state-of-anxiety/202401/how-to-receive-bad-news.

Peart, V. (2024, July). How to get over bad news and find your way forward again. Social Work News. Retrieved from https://www.mysocialworknews.com/article/how-to-get-over-bad-news-and-find-your-way-forward-again.