How Horses Helped Me To Be Free Of Feeling Unwanted

This is the eighth instalment in the Unwanted Life story series, with today’s Unwanted Life story coming from Grace Olson, who’s an author, therapist, and animal lover. This is her story in her own words about how horses saved her. So without further ado, here’s Grace’s unwanted life story.

 

 

Horses helped me to be free of feeling unwanted and now I help others with my therapy sheep and horses in Yorkshire…

 

My earliest memories are from when I was very young, maybe around the age of 4 or 5. I can remember that nighttime was my time to myself, a time to think. I did not want to be here. This life was most definitely ‘unwanted’.

 

Now, as an adult, I can see those are extremely unusual thoughts for such a young person.
I have no idea why I was burdened with such a huge misery so young. I was from a very ordinary family with no horror story of abuse to tell. I just felt strongly that I did not want to be here.

 

Un-wanting my life was compounded by an awareness of being ‘less than’ all of our relatives because we were considerably poorer than them. I was aware that we were unwanted at family gatherings because we lived in a semi whereas they all lived in big posh houses and drove fancy cars and had fancy clothes.

 

 

This feeling of being unwanted by the rest of the family affected how I felt about myself when the dreaded time came to go to school. I had no sense of self-worth, so I was a people-pleaser and became the victim of bullying.

 

My feeling of being unwanted at school was exacerbated by always being the last one to be chosen for a team in PE. What a hideous thing to regularly experience as a young child – ‘You are not wanted.’

 

So, of course, it made total sense to go home one day and take an overdose and lie down on my bed to die.

 

Strangely enough, an inner voice commanded I called a neighbour to stop this and so I dutifully went across the road and told an old lady what I had done. Stomach pumps are absolutely awful and seeing a psychiatrist back in those days was even more awful. He had no idea how to help me. All he knew was his textbook learning and different medications and his belief that masturbation was the cure. ‘Have you masturbated today?’ he would ask every time I saw him. Can you imagine a doctor saying that to a young patient these days?

 

 

I got through it all with the help of an amazing psychologist who helped me to see I wasn’t unwanted and that I could learn to want to live.

 

But the inner weakness and low self-esteem was still there in the background despite growing up to become a very effective therapist in my own right.

 

It wasn’t until I got involved with horses that bullying reared its ugly head once more.

 

 

I was a ‘happy hacker’ with no desire to compete at shows and so, therefore, I was not wanted once again. Not wanted by the dressage bitches who lived to compete and show off.

 

It was extremely uncomfortable to feel like a schoolgirl again. Every day I was afraid of bumping into these women who seemed so much more powerful than I.

 

Freedom of fear and self-love finally came thanks to taking on a feral pony who had no boundaries and walked all over me – literally. I had to learn how to train her and it was thanks to the incredible teaching of the horse-woman who helped me that I learned I am wanted in this world.

 

I had to learn self-worth otherwise the pony would never respect me. I had to value myself so the pony could trust me. I had to love myself so that the pony could feel relaxed and safe with me as her guide.

 

It was a mind-blowing experience to be free of a lifetime of depression thanks to learning how to train a pony not to walk through me!

 

 

As soon as I wanted myself, wanted my life, wanted to be happy – that pony listened to my direction with no use of force. Just love flowing from my heart to hers.

 

I have since become a very successful, self-published author of tragicomic memoirs which have been helping other people to explore their own issues and find their inner strength.

 

I am also a children’s author. My whimsical tales about my pet sheep and horses have subtle messages of important life lessons. My hope is that they can help young children avoid a lifetime of sadness and feeling unwanted.

 

For more information about my books, my cuddly sheep and my wonderful horses you can visit my website: https://www.graceolsonauthor.com.

 

I’d like to thank Grace for sharing their unwanted life story, and how support and the love of pony were able to turn things around for her. It takes a lot of courage to open up about such experiences. Sharing such personal stories helps spread awareness of how feeling unwanted can affect our mental wellbeing if we let it. I too was very young when I struggled with depression, where I become suicidal at eight-years of age.

 

As always, leave your feedback in the comments section below. Also, feel free to share your experiences of feeling unwanted and your thoughts on Grace’s story in the comments section below as well. If you want to stay up-to-date with my blog, then sign up for my newsletter below. Alternatively, click the red bell icon in the bottom right corner to get push notifications for new articles.

 

Also, if you’d like to submit your own stories of feeling unwanted, then let me know by contacting me through my social media accounts or by going to the contact page.

 

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