I was inspired to write this article because of a client I had not too long ago. They struggled with having a fear of free time, and it reminded me of my struggle with having free time as well. My research on the topic led to this article, so I hope you find it interesting.
Disclosure: This article contains links to my Unwanted Life Shop. Read my full disclosure here.
Fear Of Free Time
Although having free time and experiencing boredom is a normal part of life, that doesn’t mean it can’t have negative effects for some of us (Mayo Clinic). Hence the title of the article. The two main ways we can develop a fear of free time are the fear of boredom, called thaasophobia (College of Charleston), and the fear of yourself. The latter is said to be the fear of facing oneself, for example, knowing that if you’re not keeping yourself occupied, your mind might wander to past trauma. I’ll get to both of those below.
Stimulation
Having free time and being bored can mean we don’t get any dopamine hits, which is the neurotransmitter linked to our feelings of pleasure or accomplishment (Connected Mindsets).
Addiction
Certain people may have more of a fear of free time than others, and that’s for those recovering from addiction. Ndetei, Nyamai, and Mutiso (2023) report on a study that found that a predictor for binge drinking is boredom proneness. Thus, if someone is in recovery and they’ve found themselves with free time with no plan for that time, there’s a potential risk of increased addiction-related cravings. Thus, a higher chance of a lapse or relapse.
Uncertainty
According to Murphy (2007), another set of people who might have a fear of free time are those who don’t cope with uncertainty very well. A solution such people might use to self-soothe is to use messaging and other communication methods to function as a balm for their anxiety. This is a simple way to distract them from their thoughts.
FOMO
Another better-known version of our fear of free time is the relatively newish term FOMO (fear of missing out). We live in a highly connected world, where, thanks to social media, we can check on what everyone is posting about and doing with their lives 24/7.
We can quite quickly get bombarded with images of people travelling the world and attending gigs and other events, sparking envy and jealousy. After all, who wouldn’t be tempted by a more exciting and glorious lifestyle than sitting on the sofa every night (Tanhan, Özok, and Tayiz, 2022)?
A systematic review and meta-analysis of studies performed by Akbari et al. (2021), which represented over 55,000 participants, found that there was a strong association been problematic Instagram use and feelings of FOMO in some people. Interestingly, they also found a strong association with some people ending their use of Instagram.
Productivity
Whether because of cultural reasons, society, capitalism, or parental upbringing, productivity can play a role in our fear of free time. If we have free time, then that’s time we often feel ‘should‘ be used to do something productive. This is a cognitive bias, not to mention an enemy of productivity. We’re only human. We need breaks from productivity so we can actually be more productive. Not to mention how much our mental wellbeing will benefit from such breaks.
One of the benefits of feeling busy is that it can help override certain psychological states, such as anxiety (Calm). This makes it easier for us to pretend that we’re not anxious, meaning we can avoid dealing with those feelings and stop us from figuring out a healthier way to overcome them. This is supported by the Mayo Clinic, which states that, for some people, boredom can be uncomfortable and distressing for those who are anxious, depressed, or fearful.
It doesn’t help that we’ve been conditioned to see boredom as a bad thing as if someone who feels bored is somehow doing life wrong (The Guardian). But we shouldn’t be afraid of boredom, as it’s a normal part of life (Mayo Clinic).
Avoidance
The biggest fear of free time, or at least the one that can be the most traumatic, is rooted in avoidance. In those quieter times, our thoughts can turn dark, often with a lot of rich material to draw upon, causing us distress (The Guardian).
According to Ndetei, Nyamai, and Mutiso (2023), the reason why we might have a fear of free time is because boredom can trigger anxiety and worry-based unwanted intrusive thoughts.
I know this has been a problem for me. Whenever my mind is left unstimulated, it’ll feel that gap with noise. Before I was able to come to terms with my trauma, turning those ‘hot’ memories into ‘cold’ memories (from emotionally triggering memories into non-triggering ones), that gap would be filled with memories and thoughts regarding that trauma.
As humans, we try to avoid putting ourselves through that kind of pain, even if that’s not good for us in the long term. Thus, that fear of free time becomes a fear of being re-traumatised, so we’ll do anything to avoid that happening. Sometimes, unfortunately, that can lead to substance dependency or just burning ourselves out by trying to keep ourselves distracted with random busyness.
How To Overcome Your Fear Of Free Time
Embrace boredom
The Mayo Clinic makes a case for embracing boredom because it can be a useful opportunity to restore our brains and help us problem-solve. Have you ever been sitting on a bus and looking out the window, lost in thought? Although we’re not doing anything, we don’t usually see this as a bad thing, and can often find this therapeutic. Almost like it’s a form of meditation.
It should also be noted that those of us who have less experience with boredom are poorly equipped to deal with it when we experience it. That’s why allowing our child to be bored can be beneficial.
Processing
If you’re trying to avoid thinking about certain things, or feeling certain things, causing you to want to avoid having free time, then this is a good indication that you need to work through and process what you’re attempting to avoid. Just like with thought suppression, avoidance often makes things worse, rather than better.
This was the reason why I wanted to write this article, and why I wrote my previous article on narrative exposure therapy (NET), which you can read by clicking here. I’ve also created a workbook based on NET, called modified narrative exposure therapy, or M-NET, making it a journaling style exercise. If you’re interested in buying my M-NET, you can find it in my shop here.
Reframe
Try to reframe boredom as a chance for personal growth, self-discovery, and rejuvenation, and how that it’s not a negative thing. Challenge any annoying and unhelpful beliefs about productivity and downtime, because these kinds of core beliefs are what trap us on the burnout hamster wheel.
Behavioural experiments
One way to work on our fear of free time is to set little behavioural experiments and apply exposure therapy to those experiments. For example, start making time for activities that you would normally find yourself postponing because they’re not productive, and explore how it makes you feel when you do these activities.
Kindness
Above all else, be kind to yourself. There’s no benefit to beating yourself up. The fear of free time is a common fear, so there’s no reason to feel embarrassed or ashamed about it.
Journaling
When in doubt, journal. This is a go-to strategy for a reason. Whether it’s writing about what’s bothering you or focusing on the things you’re grateful for, journaling has got your back.
Summary
A fear of free time isn’t something to be ashamed of, but if it’s something you’d like to work on, then there are steps that can be taken to overcome that fear. This can be challenging your beliefs, embracing boredom, or even setting yourself behavioural experiments to help overcome your fear. Whatever method you settle on, pursue it with kindness for yourself.
As always, leave your feedback in the comments section below. Also, please share your experiences with the fear of free time and boredom in the comments section below. Don’t forget, if you want to stay up-to-date with my blog, you can sign up for my newsletter below. Alternatively, click the red bell icon in the bottom right corner to get push notifications for new articles.
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References
Akbari, M., Seydavi, M., Palmieri, S., Mansueto, G., Caselli, G., & Spada, M. M. (2021). Fear of missing out (FoMO) and internet use: A comprehensive systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Behavioral Addictions, 10(4), 879-900. Retrieved from https://akjournals.com/view/journals/2006/10/4/article-p879.xml.
Murphy, P. (2007). ‘You Are Wasting My Time’: Why Limits on Connectivity Are Essential for Economies of Creativity. University of Auckland Business Review, 9(2). Retrieved from https://eprints.jcu.edu.au/22563/4/22563_Murphy_Limits_of_Connectivity_2007.pdf.
Ndetei, D. M., Nyamai, P., & Mutiso, V. (2023). Boredom-understanding the emotion and its impact on our lives: an African perspective. Frontiers in Sociology, 8, 1213190. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.3389/fsoc.2023.1213190 and https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10342197.
Tanhan, F., Özok, H. İ., & Tayiz, V. (2022). Fear of missing out (FoMO): A current review. Psikiyatride Guncel Yaklasimlar, 14(1), 74-85. Retrieved from http://www.cappsy.org/archives/vol14/no1/cap_14_01_09_en.pdf.
Nice post 🌺🌺
Thanks
Welcome dear friend 🌺🌺
I always fear of having too much free time. It leads me to boredom and makes think of negative things. That’s why it is important for me to have hobbies and sometimes go out of the house and socialise.
Hobbies are important, but maybe it might be better to work on the course of those negative thoughts, rather than avoiding them. Thanks for commenting
Another great and helpful post, thank you. I like the tips, and I especially like the reminder to be kind.