One reason I used to see positive psychology as pop psychology was because of the culture of toxic positivity. Educating myself about positive psychology changed my mind about that therapeutic approach, but not the issues with toxic positivity. So today, I want to help you see the difference between toxic positivity, positivity, and how “negative” emotions play an important role in our lives. I hope you find this enlightening.
What Is Toxic Positivity
As reported in The Guardian (Aggeler, 2024), positivity has been weaponised to be a magic bullet, a cure-all, for any problem we may have. This weaponised version of positivity is what we call toxic positivity. This can often take the form of a boiled-down version of positive psychology, turning it into a fake it until you make it style of cure-all (Cornwall, 2022).
But what makes toxic positivity so toxic, is the rejection of difficult and so-called “negative” emotions in favour of staying positive, putting on a facade (Degges-White, 2022). In that sense, it’s just the same as claiming happiness is a choice when it isn’t.
In fact, toxic positivity is basically the concept of the over-promotion of happiness, based on the belief that staying positive and ignoring “negative” emotions is the right solution for a good life (Putra, Ramadhanti, Sasanti, Fadil, and Salsyabila, 2023).
Where Did Toxic Positivity Come From?
According to Connor (2021), with the arrival of the international best-selling book, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, people have become fixated on the power and idea of positive thinking. This has been blamed on the ‘Law of Attraction’ idea put forward by the book, whereby if you’re thinking positively, you’ll attract more positive things, and vice versa. But in a world where bad things definitely happen to good people, that alone should discount such an idea.
Then there’s the other issue with the “good vibes only” culture that currently exists, although mainly on social media. We’re fed the message that we should surround ourselves only with positive people because we are the company we keep (Finch, 2025). However, this suggests that people who can’t stay positive aren’t worthy of our time, which isn’t a society I’d want to live in.
It’s so easy for influencers on social media to portray just how easy it is to stay positive and only be around other positive people. But I’d put every penny I had on their reality being very different because, at the end of the day, they make money from selling an ideal.
What Makes Toxic Positivity So Harmful
There is a growing body of evidence about the harmful side of toxic positivity (Connor, 2021). Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with being grateful, using gratitude, and looking for the positives in life, but that doesn’t mean you ignore everything else. I often help my clients to embrace gratitude and look for the positives, as it’s a great way to develop a more optimistic mindset.
When helping someone with depression, we wouldn’t solely focus on the positives, because how would that help the client? No, we pay attention to both the positive and negative information coming from our clients (Emamzadeh, 2021), because that’s how we can best help with their recovery.
For example, the negative information we might obtain from talking with our depressed client might lead us to the potential sources of where that depression is coming from. Meaning, that if we tackle the cause, the depression might go away. At the same time, if appropriate, positive psychology interventions can help move the client away from a harmful negative mindset. Thus, both positive and negative information play a valuable role in therapy, as they do in life.
Sadness and depression can operate like an alarm that something isn’t right, which can motivate us to take action to resolve what’s causing that sadness and depression (Forgas, 2014). Therefore, buying into the idea that you can live a life of good vibes only won’t stop you or someone you care about from experiencing abuse (Degges-White, 2022).
What’s worse, such a belief will probably keep someone in an abusive situation. And if a loved one wants to talk to someone about the abuse they’re experiencing, how likely is it they’ll feel safe talking to the person who is only going to care about the good vibes?
Furthermore, framing staying positive and being happy as a choice we can all make, and thus should make, is problematic. This is a great (and harmful) way to turn a blind eye to the harsh truths in our world, such as social ills which need more than just reframing to fix them (Cornwall, 2022).
This twisted interruption of positive thinking excludes genuine and important emotional experiences Wyatt (2024) because sometimes the best outcome is to feel sad or angry.
Toxic positivity can and will stop us from processing important emotions, like sadness, anger, fear, and grief, which can be important for our healing process (Connor, 2021). This is one of the reasons I created my ‘handling bad news‘ mini-workbook and article.
As reported by Waters (2022) in The Guardian, leaning into difficult feelings can help us move forward. Otherwise, our recovery may be slow, and in extreme cases, we may never recover, leading to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse.
What Can We Do Differently?
Kaufman (2021) suggests that one antidote to toxic positivity is “tragic optimism”. This term was coined by Viktor Frankl, an existential-humanistic psychologist and Holocaust survivor. Tragic optimism is about looking for meaning in the inevitable tragedies that are part of the human condition. It certainly makes sense when you’ve experienced the Holocaust, but this might be less useful on a day-to-day level.
Hopefully, my suggestions below are more relevant to all of us on a day-to-day level:
Being authentic
It can be argued that what’s more important than living a fake life of continuous positivity no matter what, is to live authentically in our words, behaviours, and relationships (Degges-White, 2022). This can also benefit our physical health, as we might put off seeking medical help if we’re unable to shift our beliefs from “bad things don’t happen here” because bad things will happen. One in two of us will get cancer (Cancer Research UK, 2015), for example. And the earlier we seek support, the better our outcomes.
Feeling our feelings
Just how healthy can it be to suppress and displace acknowledgement of emotions like stress, sadness, and anger (Upadhyay, Srivatsa, Mamidi, 2022)? It’s not. All our emotions play a role in our lives, so it’s important to feel them all, but at the same time, that doesn’t mean completely losing ourselves in them.
Safe space
Instead of being the friend who dismisses other people’s feelings, who tells you to look on the “bright side”. Be the person who creates a safe space for people to be authentic about their feelings and their difficulties (Connor, 2021).
Problem-solving
Remember that all our emotions play a role, and the ones that we often refer to as being “negative” can also be very helpful. A case in point is how so-called “negative” emotions can lead to problem-solving (Waters, 2022). So instead of dismissing such emotions, use them to reflect and grow.
Kindness
Just like creating a safe space for others, do the same for yourself. Don’t beat yourself up if you’re not able to remain positive, instead treat yourself with kindness. Don’t let toxic positivity ruin your life.
Reduce pressure
One of the issues with toxic positivity is the pressure it puts on us to not be upset, and if we are, to get over it as quickly as possible. However, that doesn’t mean you’re emotionally ready to just move on like nothing happened. Therefore, don’t force yourself or anyone else to just “get over it” (Connor, 2021). Remember, words can hurt.
Connection
Again, remember that all our emotions play an important role, and one of those roles is connection. Our emotions, all of them, can help us form connections with others (Waters, 2022), creating, expanding, and maintaining our social support networks.
Shame
When we hide our emotions, it can invite shame into our lives. Don’t be ashamed of your emotions and try to force a smile when you don’t want to smile (Degges-White, 2022). After all, smiling depression is a thing. Instead, healthily express your emotions, and talk to people in your social support network about those feelings if you need to. That’s what our social support networks are for.
Optimism
Although positive thinking is often interchangeably used with optimism, the two aren’t the same. For example, positive thinking might lead to someone reframing a negative situation, whereas an optimist might accept the situation and either come to terms with it or remove themselves from it, at least according to Aggeler (2024). Also, optimists are more likely to succeed in overcoming challenges, in part because they have faith in their abilities or hope that a successful outcome can be found.
It’s a subtle difference, but one that is far healthier than a toxic positivity approach.
Cutting people out
Just because we’re not buying into the idea of nothing but positivity, that doesn’t mean we should then keep people in our lives who are genuinely bad for our mental wellbeing (Finch, 2025). There is a difference between someone having negative emotions and even a negative mindset, and someone who is causing us distress.
If you have people in your life who are causing you distress, it might be worthwhile thinking about whether it’d be better for your mental wellbeing if they played a lesser or no role in your life. There’s also nothing wrong with cutting out family. Being blood isn’t an excuse to cause anyone distress.
Don’t try to be positive 24/7
What makes positivity toxic is the toxic belief that all we need to do is remain positive, even though this can negatively affect our relationships and make us seem like we lack empathy (Putra, Ramadhanti, Sasanti, Fadil, and Salsyabila, 2023).
It’s toxic positivity that gives positive psychology a bad name, and why I originally dismissed it as pop psychology until I studied it during my post-graduate master’s degree. Toxic positivity is also one of the reasons why I challenge people when they say, “It could be worse” because it could also be better.
A healthy level of positivity is fine, but don’t try to maintain it 24/7. Your other feelings matter, and it pays to pay attention to all of them.
Summary
There’s nothing wrong with being positive and trying to develop a positive mindset, as long as you’re not trying to live the impossible by making positivity your sole thing. Bad things will happen, and you will experience tragedy, but that’s part of living. Allow yourself to experience the full range of your emotions, just try to do it in a healthy wall. If all else fails, you can always turn to your journal to help process things and get things off your chest.
Also, it’s worth remembering that the pain, discomfort, and sadness we experience in life are part of what makes the happy times happy (Connor, 2021). This is part of the reason the comedy and tragedy masks have come to represent the arts.
The following song by One Minute Silence sums this all up for me when it comes to toxic positivity peddlers.
As always, leave your feedback in the comments section below. Also, please share your experiences with toxic positivity in the comments section below. Don’t forget, if you want to stay up-to-date with my blog, you can sign up for my newsletter below. Alternatively, click the red bell icon in the bottom right corner to get push notifications for new articles.
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References
Aggeler, M. (2024, January). How important is a positive mindset, really? The Guardian. Retrieved from https://www.theguardian.com/wellness/2024/jan/03/is-positivity-important-happiness-mindset-optimism-toxic.
Cancer Research UK (2015, June). 1 in 2 people in the UK will get cancer. Cancer Research UK. Retrieved from https://news.cancerresearchuk.org/2015/02/04/1-in-2-people-in-the-uk-will-get-cancer.
Connor, L. (2021, March). Psychologists say toxic positivity is on the rise – but what is it and why is it harmful?. The Independent. Retrieved from https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/instagram-studies-anger-ptsd-b1818316.html.
Cornwall, G. (2022, April). The problem with positive psychology: When the pursuit of happiness turns toxic. Salon. Retrieved from https://www.salon.com/2022/04/23/the-problem-with-positive-psychology-when-the-pursuit-of-happiness-regresses-into-positivity.
Degges-White, S. (2022, April). 7 Ways Toxic Positivity Can Destroy a Relationship… and how a shift in perspective can have lasting benefits. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202204/7-ways-toxic-positivity-can-destroy-relationship.
Emamzadeh, A. (2021, November). New research on thinking errors in depression. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-new-home/202111/overcoming-depression-demands-flexible-thinking-not-positive-thinking.
Finch, S. D. (2025, February). ‘Good vibes only’: People with mental health struggles aren’t disposable. Alma. Retrieved from https://helloalma.com/blog/good-vibes-only.
Kaufman, S. B. (2021). The opposite of toxic positivity. The Atlantic, 18. Retrieved from https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5ade38cf7e3c3a8e0fd03b28/t/61264ca5f07e1055c146fc35/1629899941880/The+Opposite+of+Toxic+Positivity+by+The+Atlantic.pdf.
Forgas, J. P. (2014, June). Four ways sadness may be good for you. Greater Good. Retrieved from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/four_ways_sadness_may_be_good_for_you.
Putra, R. P., Ramadhanti, A., Sasanti, A., Fadil, A., & Salsyabila, N. (2023). Toxic positivity in adolescents: An attitude of always being positive in every situation. Journal of Psychology and Instruction, 7(1), 11-21. Retrieved from https://ejournal.undiksha.ac.id/index.php/JoPaI/article/view/60616 and https://ejournal.undiksha.ac.id/index.php/JoPaI/article/view/60616/26844.
Upadhyay, I. S., Srivatsa, K. A., & Mamidi, R. (2022, July). Towards toxic positivity detection. In Proceedings of the Tenth International Workshop on Natural Language Processing for Social Media, 75-82. Retrieved from https://aclanthology.org/2022.socialnlp-1.7.pdf and https://aclanthology.org/2022.socialnlp-1.7.
Waters, J. (2022, May). Don’t insist on being positive – allowing negative emotions has much to teach us. The Guardian. Retrieved from https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/apr/24/dont-insist-on-being-positive-negative-emotions-much-to-teach-us.
Wyatt, Z. (2024). The Dark Side of #PositiveVibes: Understanding Toxic Positivity in Modern Culture. Psychiatry and Behavioral Health. Retrieved from https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Zoe-Wyatt/publication/383871051_The_Dark_Side_of_PositiveVibes_Understanding_Toxic_Positivity_in_Modern_Culture/links/66ded25eb1606e24c21b2c67/The-Dark-Side-of-PositiveVibes-Understanding-Toxic-Positivity-in-Modern-Culture.pdf.
Such an important perspective! ‘Good vibes only’ can dismiss real feelings. Balance here is key, positivity is great, but so is acknowledging struggles.
Exactly. Thanks for commenting
isn’t it funny how a smile can sometimes hide the real struggle? We must embrace the full spectrum of emotions to truly thrive
Exactly. Thanks for commenting
When I was diagnosed with cancer, one of the things that made me want to scream was when people would tell me that a positive attiude would cure my cancer. If only it were that simple! Someone gave me a copy of “The Secret” shortly after my diagnosis. I read part of it and set it aside. Don’t get me wrong, a positive attitude made it easier for me to get through the treatments, but it isn’t a “cure all”. And in the days and weeks after my diagnosis, I needed time to process all the various emotions.
Thank you for this important message!
Thank you for sharing your story. I’ve heard a similar story over the years in various documentaries, and as a result of this positivity push caused people to feel like their inability to be positive was a failing on their part, so if their treatments weren’t working out, they then started to blame themselves for that too. People have to be careful with their words
That was exactly my response to people who said a positive attitude would cure my illness….”And what if it doesn’t?” You’re right. People need to think before they speak.
No one should have to deal with that in such situations, as it’s like they’re putting the outcome on you alone, when the heavy lifting is the treatments and enduring the treatments
Totally agree here – when I was a teenager, the “good vibes only” trend was reinforced everywhere. In my case, it was easy to adopt as a personality when still trying to figure out who I was developmentally, and it really only led to difficulty feeling and expressing authentic emotions. I’m thankful the public discourse has evolved, even if traces still exist. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for sharing your experience
I love this article so much
Thanks
Isn’t it interesting how we often confuse genuine positivity with toxic vibes? It’s crucial to embrace reality, even the not-so-good parts. Balance is key here
Indeed