Let me start by saying that not everyone has an inner voice, so I don’t know how useful this article will be for those who don’t, as I don’t know if you can experience negative self-talk without having an inner voice. If you can, please let me know in the comments below, as I’d be fascinated to learn more.
Disclosure: This article contains links to my Unwanted Life Shop. Read my full disclosure here.
What Is Self-Talk And What Is Your Inner Voice?
Our inner voice is seen as a ubiquitous human phenomenon, an internal monologue we’re perceived to all engage with (Kross et al., 2014). But, as I said in the introduction, not everyone has an inner voice. However, the 30-50% figure for how many people don’t have an inner voice was research that was taken out of context (Mahdawi, 2024), so the actual figure, I believe, is still unknown, but I could be wrong about it still being unknown. It can be hard to find research without university-level access to research journals.
In an article by Steber (2024) for Bustle, they talked to an expert and licensed clinical social worker and certified sex addiction therapist, Joni Ogle. Joni provides a good definition and description of what self-talk and our inner voices are. They stated that our self-talk isn’t the same as our inner voice, as our inner voice refers to the thoughts running through our mind, which can take the form of a dialogue, monologue, or narration. This can be done for several reasons, such as a way to process information or ask ourselves questions. Whereas self-talk can be both an internal dialogue and an external one.
Joni also added that if you don’t have an inner voice, then that doesn’t mean a person doesn’t always lack that inner voice, as it can appear in some contexts. They also added that those without an inner voice don’t think about things; they will just take the information in or act without needing to think, just doing instead, but this isn’t the same as mindlessly doing something.
I can’t even imagine what that would be like. But it would be nice to live without the constant chatter in my head, which is one of the reasons I’ve always struggled with insomnia.
What Is Negative Self-Talk?
Our self-talk shapes our perspectives, and because our self-talk can be both positive and negative, our self-talk can affect our perspectives both positively and negatively (Kumar, 2024). Negative self-talk refers to our inner/outer voice making critical, negative, or punishing comments about ourselves.
Such negative self-talk can be pessimistic, unfairly critical, and mean-spirited (Scott, 2023). Thus, there’s a high chance that negative self-talk, especially prolonged exposure to negative self-talk, will have a detrimental effect on our wellbeing and our mental health (Kumar, 2024).
Therefore, the way we talk to ourselves matters, and LeBron James highlights this best. When the NBA star had to decide about whether to move from the Cleveland Cavaliers, he had a tough decision to make.
One thing I didn’t want to do was make an emotional decision. I wanted to do what was best for LeBron James and what LeBron James was going to do to make him happy … This is a business, and I had seven great years in Cleveland
ABC News (2010)
Commenting on this quote was Kross et al. (2014), who pointed out how there was a subtle change in how LeBron referred to himself. He started talking about himself using the ‘I’ pronoun (first person). However, he soon switched to using his name instead when it came to him talking about himself and the emotional decision he had to make. This is a form of regulation.
Kross et al. (2014) conducted six experiments to investigate this form of regulation in our self-talk, finding that similar shifts in language influence our ability to regulate thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. I experienced this first-hand when helping one of my clients process their trauma.
At first, they could only talk about it in the third person because it created a sense of distance. So, when they were able to talk about it in the first person, it was a big deal and an incredible achievement for our therapeutic relationship. But we got there with a mixture of therapy sessions and them using my modified narrative exposure therapy (M-NET) workbook as a homework task. Thus, how we talk to ourselves is incredibly important and can also be an important sign of recovery.
Support for the importance of our perspective comes from Hardy, Roberts, and Hardy (2009). They conducted a study on athletes, where their participants reported positive consequences as a result of their negative self-talk. Now, this might seem counterintuitive, but there’s a good reason for this.
A study by Tod, Hardy, and Oliver (2011), also conducted on athletes, found that the negative self-talk of their participants didn’t have a detrimental effect on the motor skills these athletes used. However, this doesn’t mean there wasn’t a psychological cost to their negative self-talk.
As Tod, Hardy, and Oliver (2011), other researchers, and I have hypothesised, this is likely because, for some athletes in certain situations, negative self-talk can be used as motivation to get a better performance. The so-called ‘giving themselves a talking too’. But this would come down to the person’s perspective.
This suggests that in certain contexts, negative self-talk can have a positive outcome, such as motivation to do better, much like anger, which is a powerful motivator for me. This also reflects what I said in my article on the hidden potential of negative beliefs.
How Negative Self-Talk Can Be Harmful
Negative self-talk can be a real drag on our mental wellbeing and overall happiness. It’s that critical inner voice that whispers (or sometimes shouts) doubts, criticisms, and negativity. Here’s how negative self-talk can hold you back.
Poor mental health
Constant negative self-talk can fuel anxiety and contribute to feelings of depression (Scott, 2023). We might start to believe the negative things we tell ourselves, leading to a downward emotional spiral. This makes negative self-talk both a potential warning sign that these mental health conditions are developing or a symptom of the fact they have already developed.
This is because mentally unwell, stressed, and destructed people are more likely to engage in self-talk more easily. Furthermore, self-talk is more likely to be negative when we have poor mental health or are feeling insecure (Kumar, 2024).
According to Pearson and Wilson (2024), the literature supports that people will experience harsh self-criticism when trying to work through mental health conditions such as eating disorders, substance dependency, anxiety, and depression.
Stress
Negative self-talk can quickly lead to feelings of stress, not only for us on an individual level but also for those around us if we’re not careful (Scott, 2023). And why wouldn’t it be stressful? You’re bullying yourself, and being bullied is stressful.
Reduced self-esteem
The more we criticise ourselves, the worse we’ll feel about ourselves. Negative self-talk can and will chip away at our self-esteem and confidence until there’s nothing left if we let it.
Increased stress
Dwelling on negative thoughts creates stress and tension. This can take a toll on our physical and mental health. This dwelling, better known as rumination, involves continuous thinking on negative self-talk, which leads to feelings of distress and other negative consequences (American Psychiatric Association, 2020). These can lead to poor mental health, the development of depression, and worries that can cause anxiety.
Fear of failure
Negative self-talk can hinder our potential, and one way it can do that is by making us afraid to take risks or pursue our goals. The fear of failure, fuelled by our inner critic, can keep us stuck in our comfort zone.
Perfectionism
We can often find ourselves turning to perfectionism to make up for perceived shortcomings (Scott, 2023), but that only sets us up to fail. As I’ve said many times before, unless you’re a NASA engineer, you don’t need to aim for perfection. Good enough is good enough.
Procrastination
Another consequence of our fear of failing and our negative self-talk is to constantly doubt our abilities, which inevitably leads to procrastination, even, or especially, on important tasks and projects. This can hinder our progress and make it difficult to achieve our goals.
Reduced motivation
Our negative self-talk is a quick way to zap away our motivation and make it difficult to find the energy to put in the effort required for success, let alone more basic needs.
Impostor syndrome
If our negative self-talk leads to us doubting our ability, it reduces our confidence, and we can come to lack self-belief (Kumar, 2024). This can cause us to develop issues with the impostor syndrome.
Social withdrawal
Our negative self-talk can lead to us feeling bad about ourselves and can make us shy away from social interactions. This might lead us to isolate ourselves, further worsening our mood.
Self-fulfilling prophecies
If we leave our negative self-talk unchecked, if we constantly tell ourselves we’re not good at something or not good enough, we might behave in ways that confirm that belief, leading to a vicious cycle (Kumar, 2024).
Feeling overwhelmed
A self-critical voice can develop over the years, sometimes even starting in childhood. If it starts to feel like that self-critical voice is becoming tyrannical, then we can quickly feel overwhelmed by it, leading to mental health concerns (Pearson and Wilson, 2024).
How To Change Negative Self-Talk
Ditching negative self-talk so we can develop positive self-talk and a more positive mindset is a journey. But it’s a worthwhile one that can significantly improve our mental wellbeing and our quality of life. The following strategies will help us cultivate more positive self-talk and mindset.
Remember that thoughts are not facts
If you remember my article on cognitive biases or have seen my workbook on cognitive biases, you might notice the similarities with one such bias, which was confusing feelings as facts. There’s a reason they seem similar because they basically are. Just because you think or feel something, that doesn’t automatically make it true (Scott, 2023).
So, don’t just accept negative thoughts as facts. We should ask ourselves if they’re realistic or helpful and if we would talk to a friend that way.
Awareness
One of the best things we can do is to become aware of how we talk to ourselves. This can benefit us so we know if we need to do something about our self-talk, and it’ll also help a therapist should you seek one out (Hardy, Roberts, and Hardy, 2009). Thus, the first step is to become aware of our self-talk. Pay attention to the thoughts that run through our minds, especially when we’re feeling down or facing a challenge.
Journaling
As part of the study by Hardy, Roberts, and Hardy’s (2009), they got athletes to keep a logbook, which was a diary where they could record any negative self-talk they experienced during their training sessions. They were asked to log the negative self-talk, what triggered the self-talk, and the perceived consequences of their negative self-talk. This gave the researchers interesting insight into athletes’ negative self-talk, and it would do the same for the athletes themselves and you if you also did this at a journal activity.
Once we recognise negative self-talk patterns and identify the triggers and situations that bring them on. Asking ourselves questions like, “Are we afraid of failure?” or “Do we compare ourselves to others?”. Then, we may be able to problem-solve them, use tips like those outlined in this article, or seek professional support.
Challenging negative thoughts with positive ones
We can use positive self-talk to challenge our negative self-talk, which can be an effective stress reduction strategy (Kumar, 2024). You don’t have to start with positive self-talk if that feels too hard; neutral self-talk will also work.
This is also supported by Tod, Hardy, and Oliver (2011), who found that there were benefits to using positive and motivational-based self-talk.
Thought challenges
A good tool to have in your toolbox is to learn some thought challenges, such as ‘putting thoughts on trial‘, ‘reframing‘, and ‘cognitive reappraisal‘ (silver lining). These can be easy skills to learn, especially if we use my worksheets. These thought challenges can also be used quite easily on the fly.
Give your inner critic a nickname
To help separate the negative self-talk that has become a harsh critic, it can be helpful to give that critic a name (Scott, 2023). This can be especially useful if this harsh critic has developed because of the words and actions of other people, tapping into the idea that those thoughts aren’t true.
Replacing with positive affirmations
Affirmations are positive statements that we can repeat to ourselves, which can reinforce our strengths and qualities through the act of regularly affirming them with positive affirmations. This can help reshape our perception of ourselves, helping restore our self-esteem and confidence (Papyrus, 2023).
Therefore, we can use positive affirmations found online that catch our eye or create positive affirmations that resonate with us. These can be short, powerful statements that emphasise our strengths and qualities. Then, all we need to do is repeat them to ourselves regularly, especially when facing challenges.
Focus on progress
Because we have a tendency to ignore the progress we make, it’s important to acknowledge our accomplishments, no matter how small. Celebrate our progress and effort, not just the end goal, and this will help us develop more positive self-talk and a more positive mindset.
Treat yourself with kindness
If there’s one thing I can never say enough, it’s to be kind and understanding with ourselves. Everyone makes mistakes. Forgive ourselves and move forward. So if you feel you’ve made a mistake, then use kindness to accept that without judgment and view it as a learning experience, one that makes up our human experience (Pearson and Wilson, 2024).
A lack of kindness to oneself is one of the most common issues I find in my clients, and a lot of their issues wouldn’t be issues that are causing a negative spiral if they’d remembered to treat themselves with kindness.
Focus on your strengths
We all need to take more time to remind ourselves of our strengths, skills, and positive qualities. It also doesn’t hurt to visualise ourselves succeeding and achieving our goals.
Professional help
There is nothing wrong with seeking the help of a professional. I do it all the time. A therapist can teach us how to develop new techniques to challenge negative self-talk and develop healthier thinking patterns.
Additional tips
It doesn’t hurt to practise gratitude, which is a very common positive psychology intervention where we take time to appreciate the good things in our lives so we can shift our perspective towards positivity.
Try to avoid doomscrolling by limiting our exposure to negative media and focusing on consuming content that inspires and motivates us. I’ve cut back on my news consumption for this very reason, although it’s become a lot harder to avoid since President Trump and Musk got into office.
My Negative Self-Talk Mini-Workbook
I created my 14-page developing positive self-talk workbook to help people replace negative self-talk with healthy and positive self-talk. Like all my workbooks, it should be easy to understand and follow, and where I felt it was necessary, I’ve added step-by-step instructions and provided examples as well.
If you’d like to check out my Developing Positive Self-Talk workbook over on my store, and maybe even buy it, you can do so by clicking here.
Summary
Firstly, it’s important to remember that many people experience and struggle with negative self-talk, and I am no exception, so we’re not alone in this. However, developing positive self-talk takes time and practice, and negative self-talk will probably never go away completely. But how we handle that negative self-talk is what will make the difference. So, be patient with ourselves and celebrate our progress along the way.
Just because negative self-talk is common, it doesn’t have to control our lives. By recognising the problems they create, we can take steps to challenge and overcome these thoughts. Hopefully, by implementing the strategies outlined in this article, using the mini-workbook I created, and focusing on self-compassion, you can cultivate a more positive inner voice and improve your quality of life.
As always, leave your feedback in the comments section below. Also, please share your experiences with negative self-talk, and if you don’t have an inner voice, please tell me what that’s like in the comments section below. Don’t forget, if you want to stay up-to-date with my blog, you can sign up for my newsletter below. Alternatively, click the red bell icon in the bottom right corner to get push notifications for new articles.
Lastly, if you’d like to support my blog, please find the PayPal and Ko-fi donation payment options below. You can also become a member of Unwanted Life. For more information, check out the membership options here. Until next time, Unwanted Life readers.
References
ABC News. (2010, July). Exclusive: LeBron James on Miami Heat decision. ABC News. Retrieved from https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/exclusive-lebron-james-miami-heat-decision/story?id=11123661.
American Psychiatric Association. (2020, March). Rumination: a cycle of negative thinking. American Psychiatric Association. Retrieved from https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/rumination-a-cycle-of-negative-thinking.
Hardy, J., Roberts, R., & Hardy, L. (2009). Awareness and motivation to change negative self-talk. The Sport Psychologist, 23(4), 435-450. Retrieved from https://www.researchgate.net/profile/James-Hardy/publication/278026499_Awareness_and_Motivation_to_Change_Negative_Self-Talk/links/5579b30d08aeacff2003c950/Awareness-and-Motivation-to-Change-Negative-Self-Talk.pdf.
Kross, E., Bruehlman-Senecal, E., Park, J., Burson, A., Dougherty, A., Shablack, H., Bremner, R., Moser, J., & Ayduk, O. (2014). Self-talk as a regulatory mechanism: how you do it matters. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 106(2), 304-324. Retrieved from https://rascl.studentorg.berkeley.edu/assets/files/self-talk_as_a_regulatory_mechanism_how_you_do_it_matters.pdf.
Kumar, S. (2024). Mental Detox: positive self talks. Eduphoria-an International Multidisciplinary Magazine, 2(01), 05-07. Retrieved from https://icertpublication.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/2.-Mental-Detox-Positive-Self-Talks.pdf.
Mahdawi, A. (2024, December). Is it true that up to half of people have no inner monologue? I investigated. The Guardian. Retrieved from https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/dec/30/inner-monologue.
Papyrus. (2023, June). Harnessing the power of positive self-talk. Papyrus. Retrieved from https://www.papyrus-uk.org/positive-self-talk.
Pearson, M., & Wilson, H. (2024). Guiding clients towards self-kindness and acceptance: Wrestling with the inner critic. Psychotherapy and Counselling Journal of Australia, 12(2). Retrieved from https://pacja.org.au/article/123356-guiding-clients-towards-self-kindness-and-acceptance-wrestling-with-the-inner-critic.
Scott, E. (2023, November). The toxic effects of negative Self-Talk. Verywell Mind. Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/negative-self-talk-and-how-it-affects-us-4161304.
Steber, C. (2024, February). Not everyone has an internal monologue. Here’s what to know. Bustle. Retrieved from https://www.bustle.com/wellness/does-everyone-have-an-internal-monologue.
Tod, D., Hardy, J., & Oliver, E. (2011). Effects of self-talk: A systematic review. Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 33(5), 666-687. Retrieved from https://journals.humankinetics.com/view/journals/jsep/33/5/article-p666.xml and https://doi.org/10.1123/jsep.33.5.666.
Wild how our inner voice can become our biggest critic without us even realising. I liked how you broke down ways to catch that negative self-talk and start shifting it. Definitely something I’m working on, so this was a great reminder. Thanks for sharing it in such a real and relatable way!
Thanks for commenting
Didn’t know there was a difference between your inner voice & self talk. Hmmm i am my own worst enemy with negative self- talk. The anxiety & pain tend to put you in a funky mood alot of times. Thank you for explaining the differences.
Thanks for sharing
Repeating positive affirmations helps me – although I still struggle to silence the inner critic! Great post, Linda xx
Thanks for sharing what works for you
This showed up right on time as negative self-talk has been an issue I’ve been working on with my therapist lately. One of the methods I’ve decided to implement has been ‘Thought Challenges’, especially with the critic that came from childhood and how they fit in with the goals I have for myself in the present. It’s really been helping me to put things in perspective. I haven’t tried giving it a name but I can see how that can work. Thank you.