First off, Happy New Year! Secondly, there is a lot of genuine self-care and self-help out there that’s perfectly legit. But not all of it. We can easily fall down the self-help rabbit hole if we’re not careful, and there will be some people who will try to take advantage of that. Hence this article, at a time when many people might have New Year’s resolutions they’ll want to start working on. I hope you find this topic enlightening.
The Self-help Rabbit Hole: The Dangers
When it comes to being online, there’s only so much we know about each other. It’s easy for people to be catfished, and the self-help industry is no different. A lot of modern cults are rooted in the “self-help” industry, but they don’t care about helping anyone improve.
No one wakes up one day and thinks about joining a cult, but they may wake up and want to better themselves, turning to a self-help book or going to a self-help seminar. Unfortunately, for some people, this can lead them down the dark self-help rabbit hole, and if they’re not careful, it can even lead them into predatory self-help cults and organisations (N.n., 2023).
One such predatory self-help cult that’s been in the news recently is NXIVM (pronounced “Nexium”), which started out as a “self-help” programme in 1998 (Halpert, 2023). Keith Raniere, the leader and only male member of the cult, attracted thousands of people to his cult with the promise of life-transforming classes (Yakowicz, 2019). He even attracted the likes of US actor Allison Mack, best known for her role in Smallville, and the former Mexican president (Halpert, 2023).
Lighthouse, a so-called life coaching organisation, claimed they’d help people realise their dreams. But for Jeff Leigh-Jones, who joined to get more direction with his goal of doing a solo hike to the South Pole, that was anything but (Nye, Truswell, and Bartlett, 2023). Before long, Jeff was handing over his money, while Lighthouse took over his life.
Outside of cults pretending to be self-help organisations, you have influencers providing health and medical advice that they’re in no way qualified to give. According to Gibbs and Sutton (2023), Dalya Karezi was a TikTok and Instagram doctor who was giving out medical advice on areas like sexual health, ovarian cancer, HIV, and fertility issues. Except she wasn’t a doctor. But that didn’t stop her from posing in medical scrubs. That is until she had a run-in with the law.
Self-help books, podcasters, bloggers, influences, and workshops that promise transformation, enlightenment, and a life of fulfilment can be problematic, especially when they go as far as to guarantee it.
While many of these resources out there that can be valuable tools for personal growth, it’s important to be aware of the potential dangers of becoming overly reliant on them. It’s also important to know which ones are being pushed by predatory minds.
One sign of a predatory self-help book, podcasters, bloggers, influencers, and cults/organisations is that they like to pedal absolutes (Goddard, 2024). This is something a therapist or anyone with morals and ethics wouldn’t do. It’s important to always have realistic expectations, otherwise, you’re just setting people up to fail, and with predatory people, they’ll blame you for failing and then try to upsell you.
There are no absolutes when it comes to your mental wellbeing. What might work for one person might not work for you, and vice versa. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
As I said, no one knowing allows themselves to be taken advantage of, especially by a cult. Anyone can be sucked in, it just takes the right set of circumstances. More often than not, that circumstance is when people are going through a transitional period, especially as we go from childhood to adulthood (Jenkinson, 2013).
Another such circumstance is when we are desperate for a solution to a problem we may have. When we’re desperate, it leaves us more susceptible to the influence of dark charism (N.n., 2023). Goddard, (2024), reported that they bought hundreds of self-help books, courses, and apps. They also binged self-help gurus on TikTok and YouTube, all because they were desperate to feel happier, confident, and loveable.
Even people who actively debunk the predatory aspects of the self-help and wellness industry can still find themselves sucked in. Simmons (2023) was one such person. As they put it, social media is a Wild West of health misinformation. Snake oil sellers peddling their wares. Social media algorithms are part of the problem because they’ll soon bombard you with such posts if you’ve shown even a remote interest in the topic. And if you see something often enough, it’ll have an effect. And they found themselves trying the things they knew were a scam.
I’m no exception either. I consider myself to be a critical thinker, the kind of person who questions the claims made about not just self-care and wellness, but also health and beauty and everything generally. If you’re a long-time reader of my blog, then you may remember my blast at skincare products back in 2019, where I talked about the lack of true peer-reviewed science in moisturiser products.
I even chased up a beauty company to try to get a copy of their journal article that supported the claims they were making, which they never gave me. I doubt it even exists. Yet, because I really hate my dry skin, I’ve been known to try products that I knew beforehand wouldn’t work, but still tried them anyway, just in case.
How Can Predatory Practices Leave You Stuck In The Self-help Rabbit Hole
Perfectionism and unrealistic expectations
The purpose of self-help is to help people improve their quality of life, especially their resilience. However, when it’s promoted as something that can lead you to an idealised version of success and happiness, then this often leads to problems.
Giving people an unrealistic expectation can lead to a constant feeling of inadequacy, as we seek that perfect version of ourselves. And when you’re always striving for perfection, something that’s not even possible to achieve, we often overlook our progress and feel like you’re never quite good enough.
Feeling overwhelmed and analysis paralysis
There is an abundance of self-help advice, some of it good, some of it not so good, and this can be overwhelming. With so many conflicting tips, advice, and techniques, it can be difficult to know where to start. This can lead to analysis paralysis, where you spend so much time researching and planning that you never actually take action.
This paralysis can be where a predatory “self-help guru” can find their way into your life, because deferring to someone who appears to be knowledgeable on the topic, removes that feeling of being overwhelmed and being paralysed, so we can focus on working on ourselves.
Neglecting real-world solutions
While self-help can be a valuable tool for personal growth, it’s not a substitute for true professional help. If you’re struggling with mental health issues, it’s important to seek out the support of a therapist, talk to a doctor, or reach out to help or crisis line.
More often than not, you don’t need to go on a journey of self-discovery, but rather do something practical to change the current situation. Problem-solving with someone who doesn’t have a vested interest in upselling you on your self-help can go a long way.
Financial drain
Self-help books, workshops, seminars, and online courses can be expensive, even before you get involved in predatory self-help people and organisations. If you’re constantly buying new self-help products, it can quickly become a financial burden. Predatory self-help cults and organisations will keep trying to upsell you, to milk you for as much money as possible, if not worse.
Dependence and lack of autonomy
Overreliance on self-help can lead to a sense of dependence on external advice. This is what predatory self-help cults and organisations are hoping for. Instead of trusting your own intuition and judgment, or helping you reach a state where you can, they want you to rely on the opinions of others, AKA them. This can hinder your ability to make your own decisions and live an authentic life.
How To Avoid The Self-help Rabbit Hole And Predatory Self-help Cults And Organisations
Be selective
Not all self-help advice is created equal. Try to find resources that resonate with you and align with your values. Ideally, from known trusted sources. If they’re more concerned with upselling you, especially on stuff you don’t need, then walk away. It feels weird saying this as an insignificant blogger who sells workbooks, but I don’t believe I’ve ever tried to pressure anyone to buy anything from my site. I also like to think that my reliance on reliable sources that I reference makes me a credible source of information.
Set realistic goals
It’s always good practice to break down your goals into smaller, achievable steps. This makes them less overwhelming and easier to tackle, allowing you to celebrate your progress, no matter how small. But it also means you know exactly what you’re aiming to achieve, which can help avoid predatory self-help people and organisations. These goals can also help you avoid feeling overwhelmed when you come to work on them.
Practice self-compassion
This is a staple of my advice nowadays, because I’ve had so many clients who don’t treat themselves with kindness, and once they start to do so, you can see an improvement. So I may sound like a broken record, but be kind to yourself and avoid self-criticism.
Remember that everyone makes mistakes, and it’s okay to not be perfect. Being able to treat yourself with kindness is not only good for your mental wellbeing and reaching your goals, but it also helps protect us from predatory self-help people and organisations.
Seek professional help when needed
Don’t be afraid to seek out the support of a therapist or your doctor if you’re struggling with a stressful life event or with your mental health. In countries outside of the US, such professionals can be accessed without additional costs. There’s obviously nothing wrong with seeking help from the private sector, as there are many reputable people and organisations out there.
But be wary of anyone who tells you not to seek help from a qualified professional or tries to upsell you. In the UK, accreditation organisations like the BACP exist, so you can find therapists who are not only fully trained and have gained accreditation but who also meet a professional standard.
Do more than read
If you want to avoid falling down the self-help rabbit hole, then you’re going to have to do more than just reading and hoovering up self-help information. You need to take action and implement what you’ve learnt. It’s so easy to consume all this information and not actioning it. So before you move on to other sources of information, start trying out what you’ve already learnt and see how it goes. I’m guilty of doing this myself, so I know first-hand how easy it is to do this, or not, as the case may be.
Summary
Remember, self-help can be a valuable tool for personal growth. However, it’s important to use it wisely and avoid falling down the self-help rabbit hole of endless self-improvement. By being mindful and realistic, you can harness the power of self-help to create positive change in your life.
As always, leave your feedback in the comments section below. Also, please share your experiences with the self-help rabbit hole or predatory self-help cults and organisations in the comments section below. Don’t forget, if you want to stay up-to-date with my blog, you can sign up for my newsletter below. Alternatively, click the red bell icon in the bottom right corner to get push notifications for new articles.
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References
Gibbs, S., & Sutton, C. (2023, October). Fake doctor Dalya Karezi says she was only offering “reputable” medical advice to her 243,000 TikTok followers. Mail Online. Retrieved from https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12621917/Fake-doctor-Dalya-Karezi-TikTok-apology.html.
Goddard, E. (2024, July). Self-help was meant to make me feel better. Instead it turned toxic – and borderline dangerous. The Guardian. Retrieved from https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/article/2024/jul/01/self-help-toxic-books-courses-apps.
Halpert, M. (2023, July). Nxivm cult: US actor Allison Mack released early from prison. BBC News. Retrieved from https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-66111026.
Jenkinson, G. (2013). Working with cult survivors. Therapy Today (pp. 18–20) [Article]. Retrieved from https://hope-valley-counselling.sketchanet.com/media/files/1491468923workingwithcultsurvivorsttmay13.pdf and https://www.bacp.co.uk/bacp-journals/therapy-today/2013/may-2013/working-with-cult-survivors.
N.n. (2023, August). How I ended up in a Cult: The Dark Side of Self Help. Unmistakable Creative. Retrieved from https://unmistakablecreative.com/ended-up-in-a-cult.
Nye, C., Truswell, N., & Bartlett, J. (2023, April). A Very British Cult: Inside Lighthouse, the life coaching cult that takes over lives. BBC News. Retrieved from https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-65175712.
Simmons, C. (2023, November). “I debunk wellness misinformation for a living. . . So, why did I fall for it?”. Cosmopolitan. Retrieved from https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/body/health/a45708686/wellness-misinformation-conspiracy-theories.
Yakowicz, W. (2019, May 15). When we exposed Keith Raniere, the leader of the NXIVM ‘Sex cult.’ Forbes. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/willyakowicz/2019/05/15/keith-raniere-the-leader-of-the-nxivm-sex-cult.
This is important information in a world where many people are troubled and looking for a “quick fix”. I think it’s best to approach everything we see online with a certain amount of skepticism.
Approach life with a healthy amount of skeptism, because capitalism snake oil sellers exist in all areas of life. Thanks for commenting
Wow, this is a really well-researched take on the issue! Yeah, I definitely don’t trust advice from TikTok (especially if someone comes on there in scrubs–always seems suspicious to me). But I know not everyone is so wary.
Influencers certainty aren’t the people we should be looking to for accurate information. Thanks for commenting
Okay.. now I learned the term self-help rabbit hole. A lot of Malaysians are addicted to self-help and motivational speakers. And these motivational speakers took advantages of most people. I believe footballer, Cristiano Ronaldo is right when he said the best motivator for yourself is yourself. You must be able to motivate yourself to achieve your goals. Thank you for sharing. I always learned a lot from you.
Being your own cheerleader is very important. Thanks for commenting
This is really great – I worry that people have a wider net of introjected ideas of how they should live that just pulls them further from understanding themsleves. It also becomes a cycle of seeking ideas that you never really put into action.
Exactly. Thanks for commenting