Borderline personality disorder (BPD) was the first mental health diagnosis I ever got, yet with all its complexities, BPD and rage can be what vilify people with this disorder in other people’s eyes. But how common and problematic are BPD and rage?
BPD And Rage
BPD and rage, also referred to as borderline rage (Verywell Mind), isn’t simply a matter of someone being “angry” but rather a result of complex symptoms rooted in the core difficulties experienced by those with BPD. So while anger is a normal human emotion, it can be significantly amplified and more frequent in people with BPD.
One of the defining characteristics of BPD is emotional dysregulation, which is linked to strong emotional reactions and difficulties with managing those emotions (Jacob et al., 2008). Anger is, of course, one of those emotions. Because people with BPD can struggle to regulate their emotions, this can cause intense and rapid shifts in mood. For example, the last time I tried to take my own life, I went from being happy one second to falling into despair the moment I walked through my front door, and I still don’t know why.
BPD also has a strong relationship with impulsivity problems, which again is a problem with managing one’s behaviours. If someone has difficulties managing their emotions and impulsivity, then that person may be at an increased risk of angry outbursts in one form or another.
One potential cause of BPD and rage is how greater childhood mistreatment is associated with greater severity of BPD issues with impulsivity and anger (Psychology Today). This doesn’t surprise me, as this can often lead to a lot of mixed and uncontrollable feelings as you feel powerless about your situation as a child. Given my neglect at home and the racist abuse at school, I can certainly understand this link.
Is There A Misunderstood Connection Between BPD And Rage?
Yes, but also no. There’s no getting around the strong link between BPD and rage (Neukel et al., 2022). But at the same time, there isn’t a guarantee that everyone with BPD will experience issues with their anger either, let alone externalise that anger in the form of rage or violence.
According to Verywell Mind, someone with BPD may react to an event that may seem small or insignificant to someone else, such as a misunderstanding, with very strong and unhealthy expressions of anger, such as physical violence, sarcasm, and yelling.
This appears to be supported by Mancke, Herpertz, and Bertsch (2015), who report that 73% of people with BPD have acted aggressively or violently in the last year, that 58% are occasionally involved in physical altercations, and that 25% have used a weapon against someone in their lifetime.
However, the study by Jacob et al. (2008) found that there was no difference in the anger experienced by those with BPD when compared to what they deemed healthy participants. They did notice that those with BPD would experience anger for longer than those same healthy participants did. It should be noted that this was a short study of 27 female participants with BPD and 26 healthy female participants, so this might be different with a cohort of men in the study.
Sadly, a UK-based study by González, Igoumenou, Kallis, and Coid (2016) found there was only an association between BPD and intimate partner violence, whereas other forms of violence were better explained by comorbid conditions like antisocial personality disorder and substance dependency. Similar findings were also reported in an article by Psychology Today.
This also fits with an article I found on CHI Health, where they state that relationships with people with BPD can be strained, due to feeling like they need to walk on eggshells to avoid outbursts.
González, Igoumenou, Kallis, and Coid’s (2016) study might be able to be explained by, but not defended by, the fact that another core characteristic of BPD is the fear, perceived or otherwise, of rejection or abandonment. This may cause a defensive response that could lead to anger. If true, this might explain how there was a link between BPD and intimate partner violence.
It’s important to note that aggression associated with borderline personality disorder may be directed outward or inward. Furthermore, according to Healthline, there’s a version of BPD known as quiet borderline personality disorder or “high-functioning” BPD.
People with this version of BPD and rage can direct that anger inward. This enables them to suppress their anger and other feelings, which now that I’ve found about this while researching this article, sounds 100% like me after 2003. Such people may also experience distressing self-talk, self-harm, and even suicide as a way to manage such internalised anger.
How To Manage Your BPD And Rage
Professional help
If you are struggling with BPD and rage, especially if it’s violent rage, please seek professional help. Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) was designed to help people with emotional regulation and distress tolerance.
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can also help with challenging thoughts that can lead to BPD rage. You can also check out my ‘thought challenges’ articles here and here to help with this. Furthermore, I’ve included links to a few organisations that specialise in helping domestic abuse perpetrators stop being abusive at the end of this article.
Space
If you feel your anger increasing, then there’s nothing wrong with removing yourself from the situation (Talkspace). Establish this as a boundary within your relationship, so your partner(s) are aware that this is a coping strategy for you (Verywell Mind).
Rumination
According to Verywell Mind and Psychology Today, rumination plays a role in BPD and rage. This is where someone keeps thinking about the experience that caused them to feel anger, which might also explain the findings in Jacob et al. (2008) study. If you’re unable to stop thinking about something that made you angry, then you’re likely to get angrier.
One way to stop this from happening is to work on your communication skills. If you’re able to properly communicate that something made you angry, then that will help with resolving the cause of that anger.
Alternatively, if talking about what made you angry isn’t an option, then journaling can be a good way to dump the issue onto the pages of your journal, rather than keeping them rattling around in your mind. Both these options can also help with validating your feelings.
Triggers
Talkspace recommends that if you have BPD and rage, then working out what your triggers might be and your early warning signs of an outburst will help you learn to control your anger better.
Stress
Keeping on top of how to successfully cope with stress and manage your stress levels will also help with managing your BPD and rage (Verywell Mind). For some tips on how to manage your stress, check out my article on the subject by clicking here.
Breathing and grounding techniques
Using breathing and grounding techniques can be a good way to avoid acting impulsively, while also allowing you to soothe the anger or other unwanted emotions you’re feeling. For some simple breathing and grounding exercises, check out the following two articles here and here.
Healthy outlets
As I’ve already said, anger is a perfectly normal human emotion that plays an important role. It only becomes an issue if it’s reached an unhealthy level or it’s not being managed or channelled correctly. My anger can be a great motivator to get things done, overcoming my procrastination. Thus, find a healthy outlet that works for you, such as going to the gym and learning to accept your feelings (Talkspace).
Summary
What’s important to remember about BPD and rage is that the rage isn’t always externalised. Furthermore, not everyone with BPD will experience rage, as anger severity will vary widely between people with BPD. That’s because rage is a potential symptom, not a certainty, and certainly not a defining characteristic of someone.
As always, leave your feedback in the comments section below. Also, please share your experiences with BPD and rage or just anger or BPD in the comments section below as well. Don’t forget, if you want to stay up-to-date with my blog, you can sign up for my newsletter below. Alternatively, click the red bell icon in the bottom right corner to get push notifications for new articles.
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References
González, R. A., Igoumenou, A., Kallis, C., & Coid, J. W. (2016). Borderline personality disorder and violence in the UK population: categorical and dimensional trait assessment. BMC Psychiatry, 16, 1-10. Retrieved from https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.1186/s12888-016-0885-7.pdf and https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s12888-016-0885-7.
Jacob, G. A., Guenzler, C., Zimmermann, S., Scheel, C. N., Rüsch, N., Leonhart, R., Nerb, J., & Lieb, K. (2008). Time course of anger and other emotions in women with borderline personality disorder: A preliminary study. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, 39(3), 391-402. Retrieved from https://www.academia.edu/19814816/Time_course_of_anger_and_other_emotions_in_women_with_borderline_personality_disorder_A_preliminary_study and https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0005791607000791.
Mancke, F., Herpertz, S. C., & Bertsch, K. (2015). Aggression in borderline personality disorder: A multidimensional model. Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment, 6(3), 278. Retrieved from https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Katja_Bertsch/publication/280219509_Aggression_in_borderline_personality_disorder_A_multidimensional_model/links/55fd47ee08ae07629e223d84/Aggression-in-Borderline-Personality-Disorder-A-Multidimensional-Model.pdf and https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2015-31349-001.
Neukel, C., Bullenkamp, R., Moessner, M., Spiess, K., Schmahl, C., Bertsch, K., & Herpertz, S. C. (2022). Anger instability and aggression in Borderline Personality Disorder – an ecological momentary assessment study. Borderline personality disorder and emotion dysregulation, 9(1), 29. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9575226 and https://doi.org/10.1186/s40479-022-00199-5.
Support
The following information is for those who’d like to do something about domestic abuse they may perpetrate.
Respect – A UK charity stopping perpetrators of domestic abuse
Fresh Futures – Domestic Abuse Perpetrator Programme (DAPP)
You’ve shed some useful light here, clarifying that the emotions associated with BPD aren’t just anger but rather a complex mix of that of fear, vulnerability and pain.
Your post helps to break down the stigma and I hope more get to read it as it’ll help foster more empathy, more understanding towards those living with BPD
It’s rarely ever simple when it comes to the human condition. Thanks for commenting
I have felt this, and now realise that I may have traits of BPD. I tend to internalise when criticised, and feel it very painfully. However, I have found with my depression and bi-polar that awareness is key to overcoming the emotional distress, and this article has given me clearer insight into my behaviours. I agree that communication is vital, and I am lucky to have found a partner who gives me time and space to explore what I am feeling and to release, I know not everyone has this, and feel blessed for it after a long struggle with my emotions over the years. Thank you for writing and sharing this, I hope it helps others as it has me. As always, your insight and openness with your emotional challenges is appreciated and highly valued.
Having someone in our life that be our safe space like that makes a huge difference. Thanks for sharing
I agree. Journaling helps you every time you feel stress. Journaling is what I do every time I feel I have no one to talk too. Thank god, I’m ok.
Journaling is one of the best wellbeing interventions for a reason. Thanks for sharing
Thank you for sharing such a well written post on such an important topic. I hope you’re doing well.
Thanks. I hope you’re doing well too