I’ve been lucky enough to have been referred to get two tests done on me, gastroscopy and colonoscopy, by the gastrointestinal consultant I saw (My Experience Of The Gastrointestinal Appointment). As a parting gift, they gave me the Moviprep (laxatives) I would need to drink to for the colonoscopy. Which has been sitting there for months, just staring at me and freaking me out ever since. YAY. Thus, this article will cover the wonderful experience of my gastroscopy, colonoscopy, and the preparations from hell.
I know lately, I’ve been going to my appointments without my partner (Fear Of Going Somewhere New), but this appointment isn’t one of those times. I was always going to take my partner to this appointment because these two tests have a very real chance of triggering a psychotic episode just like what happened at my tonsillectomy, and I’ll be trapped there whilst I have it for between 1-4 hours, according to the letters they sent me.
To get ready for these tests, I had to stop taking my medication (Lansoprazole). This has meant that for two weeks I’ve been suffering constant acid reflux, heartburn, gassiness, bloatedness, and on-and-off diarrhoea. It also meant that if I drank any alcohol, I would suffer the next day. So it’s been a fun couple of weeks.
When I found out I was going to have these tests, I ordered myself a cock sock. Having my privates potentially on display when I don’t even like my face and arms being on display was going to be an anxiety issue. Thus, if I took steps to be covered up whilst these tests are happening then hopefully it’ll lessen my anxiety.
Otherwise, I’m going to be in a very vulnerable state with a camera going down my throat and up my bum, all whilst naked in a hospital gown. Which is all bad enough on its own. So if a cock sock can make that a slightly easier situation for my anxiety, then I’m not going to take that step.
Trying to figure out what I can eat, which I also like, as my last light meal before the diuretic ruins my insides and my toilet, has been a pain. I can’t have anything with any fibre in it basically, but most of their food options then lack flavour and/or heavy in carbs. I was told to cut down on carbs to help with my reactive hypoglycemia. So I have a fun experience ahead of me then.
I reached out to the hospitals’ PALS teams to get some reassurance about the drugs they’ll give me, due to the risks of it triggering a psychotic episode, and what I can do to manage my reactive hypoglycemia whilst fasting.
When they got back to me they told me I’m allowed to drink Lucozade (not once have I spelt that name right, sigh) if I need to raise my blood sugar if I crash during my fasting the day before. Which sounded like a blessing at the time, but during the purge of my insides, not so much.
What makes this whole situation worse is that I rent a room in a house in multiple occupation (HMO), meaning theirs a total of 6 people sharing one toilet. If anyone is using the toilet when the Moviprep kicks in, I will be well and truly fucked.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, sometimes I wish I never went to see the gastrointestinal consultant (My Experience Of The Gastrointestinal Appointment) because the preparations for a colonoscopy suck.
I bought some no added sugar chocolate a couple of weeks ago when my endocrinologist (My Experience Of The Short Synacthen Test – SST) told me I had reactive hypoglycemia. The problem with chocolate like this is that the sweeteners give you diarrhoea. Well, today it doesn’t matter as I’ll be peeing out of my arse with these two doses of hospital-strength laxatives anyway. So why not indulge myself a little first?
All day, and the days running up to having to take the Moviprep, I’d been worried and hoping no one will be using the toilet once all hell breaks loose when Moviprep kicked in. 6 people, one toilet, what could go wrong?
Fasting from 13.00 is going to be hard work with my reactive hypoglycemia. But to meet the last meal requirements I decided to have the mashed potatoes option with sweet and sour chicken because I couldn’t find any other stir fry sauce with less fibre in it when I was looking in the supermarket.
This was to be my last meal in 24 hours before my digestive system looks as clean as a freshly detailed car. This colonoscopy better be worth it.
My phone has a battery problem, whereby the charge it displays is basically wrong, and it can cut out at 60%, 50%, 40%, etc. Thus, I decided to keep my phone on charge all day so that if I have to spend a lot of time on the toilet, I’ll at least have something to do whilst I’m in there.
I can’t describe how worried I was about what will happen when the Moviprep kicks in. I was terrified I wouldn’t make it to the toilet in time. If was an all-consuming worry.
The Moviprep I had to drink 2 litres of tasted like a lemony cough sweet. It was really hard to drink. Annoyingly, on the preparation form, theirs an orange version. I wish they’d offered me that, it would have been far easier and quicker to drink.
In total, I had to drink 3 litres of fluids, 2 litres of the Moviprep and an additional 1 litre of water on top of that. The water was easy to drink at least.
I had to drink the first litre of Moviprep followed by 500ml of water between 17.00-19.00. This was then repeated at 20.00. Drinking just the first litre of this Moviprep stuff was hard work. It wasn’t a flavour that was easy to consume, making it a real slogfest to drink. Having to do this for a second time was even harder. Dam this colonoscopy.
All day I had to remember: I. Can’t. Trust. A. Fart!
I did experience my usual crashes from not eating, but after the waterfall opening up at my rear, I really didn’t want to add more liquid to the situation by drinking the Lucozade. My arse with raw as hell from all the wiping. Thus, I only had a few sips of the Lucozade. I’d also forgotten how much I hate drinking Lucozade. It’s really not my kind of drink.
Although I’m peeing out of my arse, the pain and discomfort weren’t as bad as it had become to eat a kinda hot curry like a vindaloo. That’s not only painful for my entire stomach area but also comes with a burning ring.
The biggest problem with the Moviprep was that it didn’t all come out in one go. My god, did I wish it would all come out in one go. Instead, I was stuck dealing with a random sprinkler going off back there. I was constantly having to run to the toilet, and I do mean run.
I really wished my building had more than one toilet. This is not something you want to do with 6 people to a toilet. Extra stress I didn’t need. That way I could have just stayed on the toilet all day and saved myself the mental anguish.
This experience had me asking myself, why the hell do people take laxatives to lose weight? I wouldn’t wish this kind of experience on anyone.
I spent a lot of time sitting on a towel, just to make sure I didn’t get caught out when getting off the sofa to run to the toilet. Because, as I said, the slightest unclenching will turn your bum into a free-flowing waterfall.
I was lucky to have about an hour and a half when the waterfall gave me a break. However, as I tried to get ready for bed, it turned back on. It was two in the morning before I was able to go to sleep because of it.
I was still concerned that my human tap for an arse might come on whilst I’m asleep. I couldn’t afford to replace my mattress yet, and I’ve been trying to save for a new one for quite a while now. Luckily, I didn’t spring a leak whilst I was asleep.
If I’d had a later test appointment, I would have had the second Moviprep the morning of the test. There would have been no way I’d of been able to make it to the hospital if it had worked out that way. Thank god I had to change the date and time because it clashed with my partner’s birthday celebration.
Piece of advice, if you ever have to do the Moviprep for a colonoscopy, then save yourself a lot of trouble and just set yourself up to be entertained on the toilet for 4+ hours. If you don’t you’ll be running to and from the toilet constantly with little to no warning. All the time knowing that any loss of clenching will cause a mess you really won’t want to have to deal with.
Also, if you don’t plan to live on the toilet whilst you’re doing the Moviprep, then buy lots of loo rolls. Oh, and buy some wet wipes (make sure they’re biodegradable and flushable) if you don’t want a sore arse from wiping so much. Your rear will thank you for that, trust me.
Gastroscopy And Colonoscopy Test Day
My arse was so sore and swollen that I wished there was an alternative to having to wipe, but there wasn’t. Stupid colonoscopy.
When I left the house to get the train to the hospital, I didn’t feel too bad. However, by the time I go off the train and met my partner, I felt terrible. My partner made us get a taxi from the station to the hospital due to how much I was struggling.
I had to put on these special pants that had a removable panel at the back over my arse for the colonoscopy. Sexy right? As well as having to wear two hospital gowns, one put on normally the other put on back to front.
I was feeling really dizzy and weak from the fasting and the evacuating of my insides. So when they fixed me up with a cannula so they can administer the Midazolam and Fentanyl, I suddenly started burning up. I don’t know if my fear of needles caused my anxiety to push me over the edge with how rough I was feeling, but I felt like I was going to pass out whilst also feeling like I was going to throw up.
I had a similar experience when I had to get a cut on my hand stitched up after not eating all day and spending five hours waiting in A&E. It’s also what happens to me when I try to exercise.
Anyway, my muscles went weak and then I knew my bowels were going to open up. This was going to be a problem due to the Moviprep I’d taken the day before. I made it to the toilet and proceeded to fully lose bowel control whilst struggling not to pass out. Not a situation I like finding myself in, which is why I had to give up exercising. Luckily, it didn’t last 40 minutes (The Weird Behaviour Of My Anxiety Disorders) like it normally does when this happens when I try to exercise.
Not the best way to start my tests, but thankfully, that was the worst of it. The teats were fine, and the staff were great. But it was weird seeing the video of my insides during the tests.
I still couldn’t trust a trump all day in case I followed through with leakage. I was still peeing out my arse all day on the day of the tests, just not as frequently as the day before. Plus, I’d often get a warning this time, so if I got stomach discomfort, I knew to make my way to the toilet. But this time I didn’t have to break Usain Bolt’s 100m world record (9.58 seconds) in order to do so.
My gastroscopy didn’t show any problems and my colonoscopy had the standard biopsies taken, and a small polyp was removed to be biopsied as a precaution. Everything else in there they reported as being normal, so I don’t have Crohn’s disease. Which is a relief.
One thing is for sure, I’m never doing this again in order to have a colonoscopy.
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Unwanted Life readers.