The Good Doctor – TV Show
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I Just watched the new episode of The Good Doctor (S2 Ep. 11 – Quarantine Part 2) and something just happened that triggered a thought response in me, and I thought I’d share what happened with you.
Let me set the scene a little bit: they’re trapped in quarantine in the hospital (as the name of the episode would suggest) and Dr Alex Park’s son (who has issues with his dad) has just recovered from an asthmatic episode and is now standing by the bed of a pregnant woman. During a conversation between the two, the pregnant woman said something that perplexed me a little.
“most kids want their dad there even when its not life and death”
I’ve never experienced that, for either of my parents (I’m from a single parent family). There has never been an event in my life, good, bad, terrible, or fantastic that I’ve ever thought “I wish my mum and/or dad were here”. I’ve gone so far as to spend Christmas on my own, multiple times, rather than going home to spend it with my mum, simply because nothing drives me to want to. I can go years without seeing or speaking to my mum and I’d be fine with it, I don’t care about people being there for me for whatever events that have happened to me, and I barely care about me doing anything for celebratory events anymore: I didn’t even bother going to my own university graduation, as I didn’t see the point of attending such an event.
I’ve also never felt homesick, and if I really wanted to I could reach out to my dad through my half-sister (she’s still in contact with him, but I have no desire to do so, and I’ve never felt a need to be with someone specific.
I have, however, been desperate to socialise, in my past as it kept me stable, but I didn’t care who it was with, as long as it was someone, anyone, who would allow me to meet the required need to socialise – although I no longer suffer that need anymore.
If you’ve read my previous post “The Difficulties of Meeting My Partner” you’d see that I even struggle with wanting to be around my partner, and my partner is the only person I can be bothered to even talk to, as I lack the drive to do so: as well as having to contend with my anxiety disorders making the whole prospect more difficult.
I have a borderline personality disorder and it’s rooted in attachment problems. I’ve always known I’ve had attachment problems, but it wasn’t just caused by my experiences with my mum and dad (or lack there of of a dad), my primary school, school “friends”, and peers all played their part. I know I’m missing something important that allows me to have this kind of need for someone close to be there for them, this special connection that Dr Alex Park’s son obviously wanted in the episode: other people are able to feel this, due to not having the problems I have so why can’t I?
But at the same time, if I’d had had that, I’d probably be in a far worse situation now than I actually am, because having such a drive for wanting parents and other people to be there for me, when none have ever been there for me before, would’ve been far more devastating than not having that need and it never being fulfiled, if the need was there.
Although it should be stated that my partner will always be there if I wanted them to be, and they make it clear to me a lot that they want to be there for me, I just don’t know how to do that. All I really rely on them for is to help me dampen my anxieties so I can sort out my various hospital appointments for my autonomic disorder, as I get sent to various different hospitals to see different specialists over the last few years. As well as being a witness for me when my complaint about my mental health trust required a number of meetings. However, this is more a pragmatic reason for me rather than the emotional need displayed in this episode.
Because I’ve always lacked this connection to people and my family, I find it hard to understood why people get upset by such things as their parents getting a divorce or splitting up: they’ve not stopped being your parents, and they shouldn’t have to be in an unhappy marriage building resentment for each other just for their children, especially when they’re no longer actually children anymore, but adults who are seeing their parents break up. Why does this bother people so much?
Theirs a lot I don’t get about attachments between people, and it’s unlikely I’ll ever feel what it’s like. Although I hope I’m wrong because I would like to have children one day.
Has anyone else with attachment problems found that this disappeared in regards to the children they’ve had, that they were able to form a healthy attachment to their kids? Or what do you think about the show? Let me know in the comments below, and if you want to stay updated on my blog, please subscribe to my newsletter.